Lesson #153 - Fashion and Motherhood Have One Thing In Common – Both Take Effort and Its Worth It

Hi everyone! It’s DC Fashion Gal from Fashion Gal in DC writing a guest blog post for my fabulous and stylish blogger friend, Working Mommy. I am so flattered that Working Mommy asked me to provide a ‘Lesson Learned’ on the topic of fashion (my favorite topic, of course!) and of course, I
wanted to write something that combined both of my loves: being a mom AND being a fashionista. As every mom out there can attest, motherhood takes a lot (and I mean A LOT) of effort each and every day whether you are a working mom (like myself) or a stay-at-home mom. And as every fashionista
can attest, fashion takes a lot of effort especially as a woman gets older and can no longer look cute wearing UGGs and cut-off denim shorts (okay, if you are Giselle Bundchen, you can but that’s another story.)

I absolutely love being a mom to my two beautiful children and feel blessed every day to have them in my life. I also love wearing a gorgeous Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress, a pair of 3 inch round toe heels and my vintage Burberry trench and feeling like a million bucks. With both of my babies, I definitely went through the normal post-partum period of feeling whether I would ever fit into my normal clothing again and more importantly, think about anything other than breastfeeding, the color of baby poop, and how many minutes my baby naps per day. Luckily, after about 6 to 8 months, I got my fashion groove back and delved right back into the glorious world of fashion.

To me, fashion is an escape from the real world. I love the art of dressing up each and every day based on what I’m feeling. Some days I feel a little saucy and want to wear a great dress and high heels. Other days, I feel a little more hip and put on my 70s inspired bell bottom J Brand jeans, Milly chiffon peasant blouse and faux fur vest. I love it all. As I’ve said in my blog, fashion isn’t always about trends and what’s in and what’s out. Fashion is about having fun with your clothing, breaking the rules and wearing what makes YOU feel best because every single mom out there IS WORTH IT.

Ciao!

Lesson #149 - Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Kori and I began blogging around the same time. She is so full of spunk and uses a TON of pictures for most of her posts. We are both blonde bombshells with more to say than time in the day. A current high school teacher, her heart belongs with MAC - a kindred spirit of mine if I ever knew one!! So, I hope you all will welcome Kori today - go and visit her over at her space, Blonde Episodes...she is also a Halloween lover!!!

Hi there, it's Kori from Blonde Episodes. The fabulous WM asked me to fill in for her and of course I was honored! So, I'm supposed to share with you a lesson learned either in blogging or real life. Since I'm a high school teacher, I think I learn a new lesson everyday lol.

Teenagers are really tough to deal with. Those of you who have them know this first hand. I have 210 kids this year and have to say the disrespect gets worse every year. But, the reason I teach is because I love the kids and want to help them, so what I've learned is to deal with them with the perfect weapon...a sense of humor. Laughter makes everything better. Even though there are days I want to get upset or disappointed with them, I have to remember they are still just kids and make mistakes. They definitely keep me young and I learn so much from them everyday.

So...tomorrow wake up with a sense of humor...it will definitely make your day more fun! Thanks again to WM for allowing me to fill in! Come see me over at Blonde Episodes!

Kori xoxo

Lesson #142 - Poop Is A Hot Topic (Guest Post)

If you've never been over to Jessica's little web space - I highly suggest that you stop over. She is honest, hysterical and straight forward. I mean, how else could anyone make it through the day with all those fellas in the house?!





Hi, I'm Jessica from Boys, toys, chaos, & joys. I am a mom to three boys 3 and under so my days are usually filled with chaos and fun. My blog is a basically a collection of my life with kids, trying to stay on a budget, recipes, and anything else that may cross my mind. I'm so excited to have the chance to do a guest post for Working Mommy, now on with the post...

So I remember in college some of my male friends had a chart on their door where you could write down what time you pooped, what type it was,etc... I'm sure you get the picture. I found the whole thing very disgusting, but little did I know less then 10 years later would be filling out a very similar chart of my own for a very cute little baby. Before I became a mom I never thought I would have so many conversations about poop in my life, but for some reason it always seems to be a hot topic. I've somehow had conversations with moms I barely know just about our children's poop. If you don't have kids you may think I'm crazy, but just wait and see once you have kids this will be an everyday conversation with someone.

When we brought our first son Liam home it was so great to be home as a family of three after a week in the hospital, but now we were on our own as new parents. One of my funniest memories is the second day we were home with Liam, my husband (Jack) was changing his diaper on the pack and play in our dinning room when Liam peed all over him. Very common for a new little boy, but since Liam was all wet and so were his clothes Jack decided to carry him upstairs and I was following to help. When on the way up the stairs little Liam decided he needed to poop and proceeded to go all over the place. While Jack and I were both confused about what to do (go up, down,or stay here) and I'm pretty sure I was probably screaming. We finally decided to put him in the tub so we could clean him off. Then we had to clean off the stairs, floor, and ourselves. Why we decided to carry a naked baby upstairs is beyond me, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I always wonder when you see those cute little newborn pictures where they're posed and naked except for maybe a cute little hat if this situation ever happens.

Then at about 1.5 Liam started having constipation problems, so poop was once again always a daily subject of did he poop or when. Now at 3.5 years old most of the poop conversations come from him, while laughing hysterically. I do also have a 1.5 and almost 5 month old, so it still does feel like I am changing a diaper or wiping a butt too many times then I would like to count in one day.

The funniest thing was I started this post a couple of days ago, then today we went to the Arboretum where they have a huge children's garden for kids to play. I was sitting down feeding the baby while my husband was watching the boys play, and it's been forever since Liam has had an accident, so even though my husband saw him do his poo dance (I know there are other moms out here who know what I'm talking about) he asked if he needed to go, but Liam said no and he believed him. **Important note to new or soon to be parents: kids will usually always say no or wait till the absolute last second to go especially if they are having fun, so you just have to make them. So Jack thought he was fine, and let him play. Then Liam decided to climb this huge rock wall and got to the top looking like he had a very important announcement to make and that's when he screamed "I pooed my pants", to all the moms and children below. All the moms started cracking up, and my poor little guy was upset because he went in his pants and I was trying not to laugh myself especially since I was feeding the baby and it was my husband who had to deal with it (yay me).

Ahhh, so what did we do? Our spare clothes were in the car which isn't much help, so we just took his underwear off and threw it out and went on with our day. Because accidents do happen, and when all the other moms are looking and thinking I'm glad that's not my kid I know they too will have one of these moments in store for them in the near future.

Have any of you had an exciting poop moment with your children...or even yourself?? No need to be shy here - sit on down and share your story!

Lesson #98 - Blogging = Therapy

I always knew - ever since I was a little girl - that I wanted a big family. Being an only child made me realize how important siblings are to each other. They are different than friends - something more meaningful...a stronger connection. Collectively, they are "The Scribblers" and let me tell you - cute doesn't even BEGIN to describe them!  These little girls look just like their mama, The Head Scribbler! As if raising three beautiful girls isn't enough, she is also trying to be the perfect wife, daughter in-law, writer, blogger, entrepreneur and chef...whew...I'm tired just THINKING about it all! If you ever feel the need to show your creative side (or leave a comment or two), grab a crayon and head on over to Coloring Outside The Lines...for now, though, you can sit back and relax while the Crayon Wrangler lists the things she has learned - from blogging...

1. As a mother you will soon learn that nobody in your house listens to you.

2. If you want someone to listen to you, write a blog.

3. If you want someone to respond to you, write about religion, politics or spanking.

4. If you can’t think of blog material, look around your house.

5. Someone actually identifies with the stacked up laundry, crying children and crackers under the couch.

6. You can find 56,384 other blogs about stacked up laundry, crying children and crackers under the couch.

7. You can find 34,984 blogs condemning people for stacked up laundry, crying children and crackers under the couch.

8. You can find 38,378 blogs making fun of people who condemn others.

9. You can find 3,986 on time management so you don’t have stacked up laundry, crying children and crackers under the couch.

10. You can find 1,467 blogs that make crafts out of crackers under the couch.

11. You can find 178 blogs with pictures of crackers under the couch.

12. You will not find more than 10 blogs with crying children, because we are all perfect mothers.

13. Perfect mothers have amazing portraits of their kids, recipes with 15 ingredients you can’t pronounce and a detailed list of all the things that they did in a 12 hour slot of time.

14. Perfect mothers are in the encyclopedia between leprechauns and unicorns.

15. Blogging is for people with really thick skin.

16. Lose a Google Friend and you will see what I mean.

17. Chocolate chip cookie dough is therapeutic to losing a follower.

18. Blogging about it feels much better.

19. Blogging about the crazy and irritating things your family does is also cheap therapy.

20. You will probably need some physical therapy if your family ever discovers your blog and a new place to have Christmas dinner.

Lesson #67 - It Is Good To Be The Dad

**Don't forget to enter my giveaway HERE...or click on the "Get Rewarded" button for other giveaway information!!**

Welcome to "Transient Tuesdays"...I am glad that you decided to stop by! Have a seat, kick up your feet and enjoy this week's post from The Technical Parent. Joshua was my very first male follower (YAY!) and he always leaves some of the best comments! Recently, a friend of Joshua's lost their little angel to cancer. No parent should ever have to go through that kind of pain and no child should ever have to fight such a terrible disease. I hope his guest post today will show everyone that they should slow down and enjoy life a little bit more!

Originally this was going to be a list of sorts -- probably along the lines of my regularly scheduled Tuesday bit -- called "The Things We Lost As We Grew Older" which then morphed into "Things This Father Once Lost, But Has Found Again." Both of those ideas centered around things that I enjoyed as a child that were lost to me for a time, but made an appearance once I had kids, and really once The Girl (now 2.5 going on 13) was able to understand it. Basically these were things like Candyland and the simple act of coloring with crayons, or "Where the Sidewalk Ends" by Shel Silverstein, old school Disney movies, and jumping into a pile of leaves. The never-ending joy associated with a game of tag from our kitchen to her bedroom and back again ad nauseum. These are things I enjoyed as a kid and never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that they would be so fun for me again, because I get to teach the joy of them to these two little beings.

So, what this started out being is not what I'm supplying today. In fact, I've had a few months to get this together and it's only now, a week before it's going up, that I'm finally doing more with it than the few notes I typed in all that time ago.

I make no secrets of the fact that I love being a parent. I also don't hide the fact that 10 years ago I was 19, getting ready to finish off my sophomore year in undergrad, single, and a whole host of other things. If my current self had appeared to my then self and told me that before I was 30 I would be married for eight years with two kids, a mortgage, daycare that cost more than the mortgage, and everything else I have going on right now, well it may be cliché, but I would have laughed in his face. And maybe offered him something to drink. Some people, I'm sure, imagine these things when they're 19 or even younger. Believe me, it was the furthest thing from my mind up until the moment I met her in the summer of 2000.

And so we arrive at today.

I remember with fond memories those things that once dominated my existence as a child and take great joy myself in doing them once again. It's not just the reminiscent quality of these things; it goes beyond that. It's that dad is the best jungle gym in the world because he's strong and can lift you and can flip you and can catch you. The bliss in the simplicity of repetition; of rolling or kicking a ball back and forth, back and forth.

These are new feelings. The overwhelming sense of je ne sais quoi...I can't describe the feeling, but it's real, and it's there; a thing in your brain and a physical pang to your heart when you look at your child and they look back at you. It's that look in their eyes when they see you again, and you know that you are the bulk of their entire existence; that to this little person you can do no wrong; that you are their world. It's real and I feel it. Every time that child walks up to me, hugs around the legs and says, without prompting or in response to my saying it first, "I love you soooo much."

It's pride, to be sure. It's love in its purest and most basic form. I hear this and I know, unequivocally and without hesitation, that it's good to be the dad.

Lesson #61 - Being A SAHM Has Advantages

Hello!

It’s me, Dumb Mom, and I’m taking over the Working Mom’s blog, but just for today.

She can have it back shortly, because I don’t think my lounge pants and Isotoners are particularly appropriate for the working world.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if they were though?

If I could just roll outta bed, shower if I want, work my locks into a loose ponytail, and go! Actually, that’s exactly what I do.

But that’s only because as the official Casa de Dummies DOHH! (more on that title below) my audience is just not that picky. They couldn't care less about what I wear as long as I make it happen in the kitchen (and the bathroom, and the bedroom, and the basement, and anywhere else they require my assistance).

And, my life as a problogger (I totally am ‘cause I made like $50 last year), a prophotog (a largely seasonal position that is WAY more busy in the summer), and a freelance writer (very exciting gig that requires more computer time than it does face-to-face time) is pretty flexible when it comes to clothing.

Lucky, right?!

So, I’m dedicating this post to The Working Mommy and to those of you who hold down a full time gig and still manage to be a successful (or semi successful) parent, I salute you.

You women rock because honestly, I don’t think I could cut it.

I mean, as it stands, I run a moderately successful blog and an occasionally successful photography business (pictures good; marketing, client base, and income not so much), I write articles for local publications on a freelance basis, I work part time at the hospital, and I consider myself a mediocre Director of Homeland Happenings, DOHH! (thinking of converting this position into five separate ones since I attempt to do the work of five separate people).

If I had to add full time teacher (my pre-kid title) to my resume, I’m pretty sure I would run away.

I know people are always saying you figure it out, you (and your family) adapt, but I’m not so sure.

I didn’t choose to stay home because I was afraid I couldn’t hack it as a full time employee and a full time mommy. I chose to stay home when I was pregnant with my first, which meant I was still mildly delusional about life with kids. My decision to be a SAHMish person was influenced by numerous factors (not all well thought), none of which were that I didn’t think I could handle my job and my life as a mom. I was 23 when I had my first son, so I was still in the “I can do anything you can do better” phase of my life.

I’m so over that.

Three kids later, I realize that I’m just not cut out for life in the workforce. I’m not sure I could pull myself out of bed each morning, squeeze myself into professional attire, and schlep off to work leaving a happy, healthy household in my wake.

Call me lazy, or unmotivated, or weak.

Call me all of those things if you must, I know my weaknesses.

Let’s not forget, I am the person who breastfed all three kids for a full year each simply because I didn’t want to have to tromp downstairs in the middle of the night to get a bottle.

Some people call my commitment to nursing “an amazing devotion to baby”, I call it being lazy.

So I’m giving a big round of applause to all of those mommies who are out there doing their thing, making money, and growing people.

Because seriously, you rock!

Not that we SAHMs don’t do our share, ‘cause really, we do.

But, at least I get to do it in a muumuu, and that is a huge advantage in my book.

HUGE!

Now, come on over to my blog, parenting BY dummies, and see how this Dumb Mom of 3 handsome boys singlehandedly teaches them that life is not all about sacrifice and responsibility, it’s about awesomeness too! Well, I guess it’s not exactly singlehandedly because I do share this responsibility with my hubby, aka Dumb Dad, but he really doesn’t do much in the way of hands on teaching; he’s more of a what-your-mom-said kinda guy.

Oh, and I’m running a super fun photo contest that just started today so get on over there right now for your chance to enter and win!

Lesson #50 - Never Drive In England

**Don't forget to enter my giveaway HERE...or click on the "Get Rewarded" button for other giveaway information!!**

Welcome to "Transient Tuesdays"...I am glad that you decided to stop by! Have a seat, kick up your feet and enjoy this week's post from The (Un)Experienced Mom. While I do not share her exact situation, I definitely feel like no one can ever become an "experienced" parent...no matter how hard we try. This is one funny lady, folks. Please enjoy her travel tales from England!!!

Since many of you aren't familiar with me or my blog, The (Un)Experienced Mom, let me take a moment to introduce myself.

I am the mom of two boys under 3 years old and was a therapist before I became a SAHM. I started my blog to encourage moms to accept the easy and hard times in motherhood. Why did I call it The (Un)Experienced Mom? Because even after having two kids, I still feel like a rookie most days! Oh, and I am also an honorary Brit. No, I wasn't knighted by the Queen Mum, but I did marry a British man which means I am pretty close to royalty, right? Most of you might be thinking, "That's so cool that you married a British guy who has a sexy accent!" And you'd be right. Sexy....check! Accent...double check! And I get to vacation in England every 12-18 months (if you can call staying with your mother-in-law in a cracker-jack-box cozy home for 2 weeks a vacation). I admit, it's pretty cool, but I can't help feeling so out of place when I am there.
For starters, I never remember that the driver's side is the right side of the car. I can't tell you how many times I've opened up the driver's side thinking it was the passenger's side, only to see hubby looking at me with a smile and asking "You driving?" Or how many times I've almost gotten run over because I look the wrong way at intersections (it's a very good thing that they have written, in really large white letters: LOOK LEFT or LOOK RIGHT for idiots like me!). Recently, I started to think about whether or not I'd ever be able to drive over there. What if something happened to my hubby when he was driving and I needed to take the wheel? Besides not knowing how to drive stick, which most of the cars are in England, I have NO idea what most of the signs mean. Seriously. Let's take a look at some and see if you could figure them out!

If I was driving and I saw this sign, I'm pretty sure I'd be thinking, "What?! Is my car going to explode?" I have never seen a sign like that in this country, so I had no clue what it meant. After looking it up, I found out it means, No Vehicles Carrying Explosives. Really? We need a sign for this? Shouldn't that be a rule no matter what? And if it's around a construction site, shouldn't the vehicle on the sign be a truck instead of a passenger car?

So I had to look this one up, too. For starters, I don't know what a verge is. Do you? When I saw this sign, I thought, "Does this mean I have to drive on the curb for 2 miles?" It actually means that for 2 miles, there is a soft shoulder or no curb. I'm not really sure why you'd need to know that unless you were driving on a cliff somewhere and you liked to drive dangerously close to the edge of the road.

This one made me think, "Is this a warning that people will randomly be driving off the edge of the road?" But it actually means that there is a Quay Side or Riverbank (by the way, I thought QUAY was "ke-way" but hubby said it sounds like "key"). This means just what it says....be warned that there is a body of water nearby, so drive extra carefully. And maybe be aware of those drivers around you who are depressed...just in case. I asked hubby why you'd need this sign, because unless a road just suddenly stopped at the river and there were no gates to stop people, this sign doesn't really seem necessary. He told me they would use it at a loading dock. Ok, so that makes sense.

I've actually seen this sign in person. I knew what it meant because of the picture, but the wording had me cracking up. Of course, my mind immediately went there. I've never heard of a road bump referred to as a hump. Makes sense, sure, but when they were coming up with this sign, didn't they think it sounded just a little dirty? They couldn't have found another synonym for bump?

I had to include this sign because it's hilarious! Obviously this sign has something to do with watching out for old people. (The actual wording for this sign is "Watch out for frail elderly people"). But I don't remember ever seeing a sign like this around here. Then again, I don't frequent old folks' homes. In this example, this sign is ironically posted right by a sign pointing to a nearby cemetary. That's just not right!

Last but not least, those pesky roundabouts. I remember the first time I saw one of those, I was utterly intimidated. And honestly, I am still intimidated. I sit and study what's going on when we pull up to one. It's really pretty simple in theory; it's essentially like a 4-way stop over here. Except, I get very nervous at a roundabout. The only one we have around here is in a residential neighborhood and I am usually the only one going around it at the time. This picture pretty much sums up what it'd be like to go around a roundabout with me driving:

When I asked my hubby who has the right-of-way at a roundabout, he said he'd forgotten. He's been in the States for 8 years now and only been back to England a handful of times since then. I said to him, "How do you not remember? We're going back there in May and you're driving!" His answer was, "I'll figure it out before we go."  You bet I will be quizzing him on this on our descent into Heathrow.

So there you have it. My trips to England have taught me that even though I am a stellar driver over here, I have no business driving in the UK. I get into the wrong side of the car, I can't remember which way to look at an intersection, and I don't understand (and make fun of) the road signs. Let's just hope we never move there!

Lesson #45 - Guilt Is Good

**Don't forget to enter my giveaway HERE...or click on the "Get Rewarded" button for other giveaway information!!**

Welcome to "Transient Tuesdays"...I am glad that you decided to stop by! Have a seat, kick up your feet and enjoy this week's post from The Triple Threat. H3 (no, not the Hummer) is so fabulously funny - in a scary, no ovaries sort of way!! If you've never visited her blog - what are you waiting for?!?! Check her out here! In the meantime, read her guest post about how fabulous guilt can be!!


First, I want to thank Working Mommy for asking me to guest post. This is the first time I have been asked to share my views anywhere but on my little spot on the internet, and I was thrilled to be asked.

So, Working Mommy’s blog is all about lessons learned. What have I learned in my very long life on this planet we call earth? Ahhh, the stories I could tell, the tales I could weave, the shit I could dish…but I’ll just stick to one, and it’s a biggy.



Guilt is Good!

That’s right. Guilt is good. Let me give you an example….

For those of you that don't know, I had surgery and had my ovaries and tubes removed last summer. I could not drive for two weeks. So, why is guilt good??

Well, hubby promised me he would stay in town for all of July. He travels to DC for work but guess what??

He didn’t. He left for a week....which left me alone and STUCK in my house not being able to drive! Frankly, I was amazed that he lasted as long as he did, staying in town.

Abbe was not such a great nurse, by the way....I think it had something to do with her beinging a DOG!

So, why is guilt great??

Here is the benefit of Guilt......

1. New Fendi purse
2. 2 dresses from Vera Wang Lavender Label
3. Totally cute sundress from BlueFly
4. 1 week trip for me and kids AND hubby to Watercolor in Florida
5. Dinner of my choice
6. This time I actually got not only flight information, but hotel info WITH phone number!

Hmmmmm.....wondering how to score some jewelry swag!

Lesson #40 - The First GP Of The New Year Requires A List

**Don't forget to enter my giveaway HERE...or click on the "Get Rewarded" button for other giveaway information!!**

Welcome to "Transient Tuesdays"...I am glad that you decided to stop by! Have a seat, kick up your feet and enjoy this week's post from THE MAN!!!!!! That is right, folks, I conned drugged asked the man nicely and out of morbid curiosity - he AGREED!!! Really, we were showering and I compared my blog to a high school yearbook. I asked if he remembered those days - where the FIRST person to write in your yearbook was the COOLEST...and your BFF! So, seeing as this is my first guest post of the New Year, I didn't want to be that kid in the corner with no one to sign my yearbook. Yeah...I guilted him into it...he totally could have said no (yeah, right)!! So...here he is my blogtopia friends...THE MAN:

So after my many weeks of trying to figure out what I lessons that I've learned in my life that I want to impart on you, and by weeks I mean about 20 minutes. I've decided that we'll go with the top 10 lessons that I try to live by!

10. If Law and Order is on then we will be watching it! Not only do I like it but so does WM!

9. If you're early, then you're on time. If you're on time then you're late. If you're late, then WM will never let you forget it!

8.You get to live your life the way you want to up until the baby pops out! Then you get to continue living the way you want to until the baby decides she is hungry, tired, bored, needs a changing, wants to be held, played with, or just make you do things at her will!

7. Most people really are stupid! Now some of you are thinking that that is a little harsh, but let me explain first. WM and I  were at a party and the TV was on showing a picture of the White House. A fellow party goer in all their wisdom chimed in "what is that building," to which I replied it's the White House. Their shocking answer was, "but where is the dome?"  REALLY? A dome on the White House? I explained to them that they probably took it down because they had to take the holiday decorations off and clean it. They agreed, saying that "it probably looked really nice with the dome lit up for the holidays." And this was a guy with a college degree!

6. If WM isn't happy then no one is happy! And if they are, then there will be hell to pay!

5. Cherish your family and friends! Cause at some point you're going to want them to babysit and clean that dirty diaper!

4. Put your all in everything you do!

3. Plan for the worst, and hope for the best! Gotta love when the diaper is just pee!

2. Do what ever needs to be done. That way, the things you forget to do is less work for WM.

1. Don't ever embarrass WM! Unless it's for fun! Cause sometimes it's just funny to talk a little extra loudly in the grocery store about which condoms we should have used!

I hope everyone was able to enjoy their holiday vacation as much as I did!!! It was nice meeting everyone - and I look forward to seeing you all again soon! The Man - Over and Out...

Lesson #24 - Pepper Spray In The Sock Drawer Is Useless

Welcome to "Transient Tuesdays"...I am glad that you decided to stop by! Have a seat, kick up your feet and enjoy this week's post from The Pregnant Wine-O. Wines Constantly is an awesome blog - I think you should follow her here - and I am thrilled that she shared her story of finger flags, MHD and her poor beat-up hubster!

Remember all those warnings from your parents about how you should never give rude drivers the middle finger salute because they might be nutso and have a gun and shoot you dead? And how your mother may have told you to never (everEVERever) leave the house without the pepper spray keychain she bought you? Well, this is a story about why you should listen to your parents, even if the other guy is unarmed. Because he might be crazy. And drunk. With anger control issues. You get the picture.

One bright and sunny day, my hubs (then boyfriend) and I were weaving through the parking lot of some giant strip mall extravaganza after purchasing some new bedding. We will call my hubs D. At this time, D was going through a phase (which has since become permanent) where he got a teeny bit mad at the sight of suburbanites driving giant gas-guzzlers for silly errands like a trip to the BB&B. Just call him an Environmental Crusader. This anger manifested in his middle finger, which he waved at any and all of these vehicles on the road. On this particular day, D's finger flag absentmindedly waved at a white Hummer passing us from the opposite direction. We drove on. I patted his leg, then glanced out the window to try and see what was up with the tire squealing behind us.

This is where things get interesting.

See, the squealing tires belonged to the white Hummer, which at this point had turned itself around and was gunning full steam ahead for the back of our teeny tiny 2-door impracticality of a car. D, completely oblivious to my silent shock and horror, pulls slowly up to a stop sign, looks both ways, and then jumps out of his skin as Maniac Hummer Driver (MHD) rams into the back of our car. MHD backs up. And slams into us again. WTF. At this point D is still trying to process things, and I'm ass-up in the air trying to find my cell phone in the depths of the Biggest Purse Ever (which of course has half-spilled all over my feet). Clearly, we were about to die and I at least wanted the police to have a shot at catching up to the freak who is about to flatten our car into a twisty metal pancake. MHD has now climbed down from his throne, and is cursing at D. D is looking shell shocked. I locate my phone. I forget to call 9-1-1 and begin to look for my pepper spray. Which should be attached to my keychain. 

Why isn't it there?

MHD is now yelling even more profane things at D, and I forget what I'm looking for as the first fist hits poor D in the side of the face. D's glasses go flying somewhere into the backseat. MHD has his arms hooked to D's arms and is trying to yank him out of the partially open window. D opens the door and gets out. MHD throws more punches. I'm seeing spots, and finally remember what to do with the phone. I inform the operator that a crazy madman is trying to kill my boyfriend. I attempt to describe our location, but it goes more or less like this: "We're by the home stuff store, the one by the Applebee's. Or the Bennigan's? I can't see the sign. And the camera store. By the stop sign. In xxnameoftownxx." About as helpful as it sounds.

I babble more nonsense and start searching the glovebox for the pepper spray as D just stands there covering his head with his arms. Not fighting back. The lawyer in him. His shirt is ripped. There's blood. I begin to yell unintelligible things about being mfing-crazy and stop hitting him you a**hole and why don't they put address numbers on any of the stores?!?

MHD gets back into his Hummer. Spins around and starts driving away. D chases after him. I get out of the car and chase after D. I am wearing 3-inch (pointy) heels. By now, the 9-1-1- operator is surely debating whether to send the police or a straight jacket. I babble more gobbledygook, 99% of it profanities, as I alternate between screaming at D to "Get the F*** back here", screaming at MHD to stop trying to run D over, and begging the 9-1-1- operator to send some GD backup, already.

The police finally show up. D wobbles back to me. Thankfully in one piece. A second police car (all of that screaming and they only send 2 cars?) stops MHD on the other side of the parking lot.

We all make a trip to the police station. MHD in handcuffs. We learn he tested quite drunk. Statements are given. Charges are pressed. D looks like hell, and I still can't find my damn pepper spray.

The whole thing went court. Apparently we drew quite the crowd of witnesses. MHD was assigned anger management counseling. I still have nightmares that he hunts us down and clubs D and I to death in our sleep. All over a freaking finger.

Lessons Learned:
Keep your middle finger to yourself. Unless you have a black belt or drive a tank or wear kevlar like it's hot.
Pepper spray cannot save you when it is hiding at home in your sock drawer.

Lesson #20 - Pride Is A Strong Feeling

Welcome to "Transient Tuesdays"...I am glad that you decided to stop by! Have a seat, kick up your feet and enjoy this week's post from The Vodka Lover. I am so happy that The Vodka Lover agreed to share a poem she wrote about pride and think you should check her out at Vodka Logic here!

Pride

To me it has a cowards ring,
For one who doesn't hide, behind anything.

Smoke and mirrors, what the hell?
Another way to avoid as well.

Pride is a mighty thing,
Mess with it, and I feel the sting.

Embarrassment is the worse,
Private or public, always a curse.

And humiliation a bitter pill,
Just have to suffer through it still.

To warn others of this path,
Would only cause undo wrath.

I play fair, despite,
To be vengeful, would feel right.

Now back to pride,
It's hard to hide.
On lifes long and difficult ride.

Transient Tuesday Guest Posts

These "Chosen Few" have been featured on the weekly Transient Tuesday segment. They are all fabulous writers and I HIGHLY suggest you go to their sites and start following - if you aren't already! Interested in being a guest blogger - well get off your ass a send me an email!

October 24th: Lesson #8 - Sometimes You Just Need To Laugh...The Brunette

November 24th: Lesson #16 - A Moth Can Kill You If It Really Wants To...The Cribbed

December 1st: Lesson #20 - Pride Is A Strong Feeling...The Vodka Lover

December 8th: Lesson #24 - Pepper Spray In The Sock Drawer Is Useless...The Pregnant Wine-O

December 15th: The Bitch was a slacker and couldn't get me her post in time...alas...no guest this week :(

December 22nd: Lesson #31 - One Joint Christmas Is Better Than Two...Right?!...The Bathroom Mommy

December 29th: Lesson #36 - Sometimes Life Throws You A Lot Of Little Lessons...The Queen Martini

January 5th: Lesson #40 - The First GP Of The New Year Requires A List...THE MAN

January 12th: Lesson #45 - Guilt Is Good...The Triple Threat

January 19th: Lesson #50 - Never Drive In England...The (Un)Experienced Mama

January 26th: Lesson #56 - Always Have Two Pairs Of Shoes Handy...The Frog Mama

February 2nd: Lesson #61 - Being A SAHM Has Advantages...The Dumb Mom

February 9th: Lesson #67 - It Is Good To Be The Dad...The Technical Parent

February 16th: THE BITCH (Finally) 

March 9th: Lesson #76 - Potty Training Is Dangerous...The Rocker Mom

March 16th, 23rd, 30th: Times were rough...and blogger screwed up some of my posts. No guests on these Tuesdays :(

April 6th: The Sassy Duck

April 13th: The Crayon Wragler

April 20th: The Walking Cliche

April 27th: The Chief