Lesson #131 - Parents Understand Other Parents

My neighbor and I were sitting outside talking yesterday about those leashes that some parents put on their kids (I use one with Lulu)...and I recalled being very judgmental when I saw parents in public - being "bad" parents - that was before I had kids.

You've seen them:

- The Mom who sits on the sidelines of the play-place at the mall, almost asleep, while Little Jimmy runs around the place making the other kids miserable;

- The Dad who is sitting at a table stuffing fries down Julie Mae's throat;

- The Mom AND Dad who are pushing Suzy and Johnny in a stroller and not even paying attention to where they are going (almost hitting other people).

Heck, you might have even BEEN that parent at one point or another...and that is OKAY! I didn't understand that concept before having children. I could only look at them and say to myself, "Good grief, I will NEVER be that parent...ever!"

Oh, was I wrong.

What I didn't understand was that Little Jimmy's mom has been dealing with her son's ADHD for days on end, with no break, no vacation, and no sleep. She has been doing everything she can to keep him occupied while trying to get him accustomed to socializing with other children. She hasn't done anything for herself in years because she isn't able to sit down...ever. She would love to take a nap while Little Jimmy naps - but his mind is so incredibly active that he can't take a nap during the day

What I couldn't have known is Julie Mae had refused to eat any real food for the last week. She has a new little sibling - who was back home with mom - and decided to only drink from her sippy cup, just like the baby. When her parents can get her to eat, it might be as much as a 1/2 piece of cheese or 1 chicken nugget. This is the first time that she has had any interest in eating solid food - so dad jumped at the chance and bought her a large order of fries.

What I failed to notice about Suzy and Johnny was that they are twins. The joy of having children was multiplied by 2 for this family...and with 2 children comes 2 times the work. Mom and Dad haven't slept in weeks because as soon as one baby calms down - the other gets all revved up. They both get fed at the same time, and get changed at the same time, and skip naps at the same time, and scream at the same time. Both are colic-y, so neither parent has had a wink of sleep - literally - for months. This is the first time they've all ventured out of the house and the mall seemed like a great choice. Unfortunately their lack of sleep means they can't focus as well as I could - without kids.

I get it now and I feel their pain.

I see the looks I get when Lulu is running around like a crazy girl - I know I' m being judged when I buy 2 large fries at McDonald's (oh my gawd - is she going eat all that herself?!) - and when I raise my voice on occasion while Bubba screams in my ear, I can only imagine what Single Sally Homemaker is whispering to her girlfriends...

The one thing that I don't do anymore - is jump to a judgmental conclusion...because I have been there...and now, I understand.

{Wordless Wednesday - Water Park}

This past weekend I was able to catch up with a high school friend whom I haven't seen in 10 years. We both have chitlins now and it was so great to be able to meet up and enjoy the day with great conversation, fatty foods and a whole lot of water!!!

Riding Shamu...or some other whale-looking thing!

She totally knew I was taking pictures!

Mr. Squiggles was sleeping on the job!

My girlfriend made her a bunch of those cute flower clips...and let her put in the pigtails

All tuckered out after a long day in the sun!

Lesson #123 - Vaccinations Are Necessary...For My Children

So, I recently read an article about doctors turning away children who haven't been vaccinated.

Now, I was never one to believe all that hype about vaccinations leading to autism. I have a very dear friend who works with autistic children day-in and day-out...she doesn't buy it either. If she says they're all a load of poo, well then I'm apt to believe her! I think that it is difficult for people to deal with the fact that their child might just have a defect. As much as we all want to believe our child(ren) is (are) perfect, sometimes it just isn't the case.

Which leads me to this story I read about pediatricians turning away their services to children who have not been vaccinated. It makes perfect sense too...as opposed to throwing them out of restaurants and off of airlines!! Babies under a certain ago are not yet able to get vaccinations, but that doesn't mean they don't get sick. Thankfully we have been luck with Mr. Squiggles...and we were lucky with The Babe also...both are in great health and both are up-to-date on their shots.

However, that doesn't mean that I want them around children who have possibly never been vaccinated - or have had their shots delayed, for whatever reason. I want my children to be as safe as possible and it is my job as their mother to make darn sure that happens! Babies being in contact with other babies is one thing...but what if, say, another baby has an older sibling who hasn't had their shots. That older sibling might have become immune to whatever s/he is carrying, but that doesn't mean it won't be passed onto their younger sibling - and then on to my child, who isn't old enough for shots yet.

It seems that chain of events could have all been prevented if every parent saw the benefit of immunizations and did what was best for, not only their own child but everyone else's children as well. Not giving your child the correct shots on the recommended schedule is very selfish, in my eyes.

Any thoughts??

Lesson #90 - Toys That Keep The Kiddos Occupied Are Priceless

I remember going on a lot of road trips when I was a wee one. As an only child, my parents would always let me take a friend on family vacations - so I would have someone to go on rides with (since both of my parents are afraid of heights). Before even arriving at our vacation destination, though, were those long...long...long...terribly long car rides!

While the youth of today have more options when it comes to in-the-car entertainment, my generation did not. We didn't have portable DVD players (DV-what?), game consoles or vans with seats that flip around with a table in the middle to play cards. No, we had to resort to games like Punch-Buggy Bingo or there was always the option to sleep.

What I really needed on those long trips is one of Jamie's I Spy bags! Jaime is a SAHM to 3 amazing little boys (6, 4, and 2) and a Navy wife (GO NAVY)! After becoming a SAHM, Jaime decided to open her Etsy store so she can work while still being home with her boys. Baby Love Blankies is full of cute I Spy bags for children of all ages! I Spy Bags are sure to provide your kiddo with HOURS of fun! so much fun!

Jaime's Itsy Bitsy I Spy Bags are approx 5"X5" and are filled with over 20 hidden treasures. The bags are made from "Snuggly Flannel" fabric, because it shows less signs of wear and tear then regular fleece fabric. The bag is then filled with nontoxic poly pellets** that your child has to sift through to reveal the hidden treasures. This toy is not only educational but also helps with fine motor coordination...not to mention, Jaime has so many different fabric choices it will make your head spin!!

**Safety side note:
All of the seams on all of my I spy bags are double sewn for your child's safety, however if the bag gets ripped please throw it away because it is filled with poly pellets and tiny treasures that are choking hazards. All of the treasures, fabric and vinyl were bought here in the USA and are compliant with the current CPSIA laws.

One of the best features is the detachable item list. Turn the search into a race by timing how long it takes to find each item you call out!

One of the best reviews I have EVER read is listed on Jaime's site:
I had heard that I Spy Bags were wonderful for autistic children, but never had proof until one of my customers left me this feedback:
"This was a gift for my 5 yr old autistic daughter - and I just do not have enough words. I wish I had bought this years ago. The beads offer her tactile stimulus for her sensory needs and the 'babies' offer hours of play and helps increase her visual to oral skills. There has been nothing better than having her look up with a smile as she has 'found' the item I have asked for. Even if the verbal skills are limited, most children love and crave to show their parents they understand. Kudos and I can never thank you enough." ~ amblanco357

So, you see friends, these little bags really do have a number of uses!

Giveaway:
There will be two winners of this giveaway. Each winner will receive ANY Itsy Bitsy I Spy Bag of their choice!! These little bags are PRICELESS!!

Here are the rules...please leave a separate comment for each entry:
3 entries if you "follow" me - please comment and let me know
2 entries when you visit the Baby Love Blankies Etsy site and tell me which product is your favorite
2 entries if you "heart" Baby Love Blankies on Etsy
2 entries if you become a fan of Baby Love Blankies on Facebook
1 entry if you "spread my education" on your blog
1 entry if you blog about this giveaway - please provide a link back to the post in your comment

Lesson #61 - Being A SAHM Has Advantages

Hello!

It’s me, Dumb Mom, and I’m taking over the Working Mom’s blog, but just for today.

She can have it back shortly, because I don’t think my lounge pants and Isotoners are particularly appropriate for the working world.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if they were though?

If I could just roll outta bed, shower if I want, work my locks into a loose ponytail, and go! Actually, that’s exactly what I do.

But that’s only because as the official Casa de Dummies DOHH! (more on that title below) my audience is just not that picky. They couldn't care less about what I wear as long as I make it happen in the kitchen (and the bathroom, and the bedroom, and the basement, and anywhere else they require my assistance).

And, my life as a problogger (I totally am ‘cause I made like $50 last year), a prophotog (a largely seasonal position that is WAY more busy in the summer), and a freelance writer (very exciting gig that requires more computer time than it does face-to-face time) is pretty flexible when it comes to clothing.

Lucky, right?!

So, I’m dedicating this post to The Working Mommy and to those of you who hold down a full time gig and still manage to be a successful (or semi successful) parent, I salute you.

You women rock because honestly, I don’t think I could cut it.

I mean, as it stands, I run a moderately successful blog and an occasionally successful photography business (pictures good; marketing, client base, and income not so much), I write articles for local publications on a freelance basis, I work part time at the hospital, and I consider myself a mediocre Director of Homeland Happenings, DOHH! (thinking of converting this position into five separate ones since I attempt to do the work of five separate people).

If I had to add full time teacher (my pre-kid title) to my resume, I’m pretty sure I would run away.

I know people are always saying you figure it out, you (and your family) adapt, but I’m not so sure.

I didn’t choose to stay home because I was afraid I couldn’t hack it as a full time employee and a full time mommy. I chose to stay home when I was pregnant with my first, which meant I was still mildly delusional about life with kids. My decision to be a SAHMish person was influenced by numerous factors (not all well thought), none of which were that I didn’t think I could handle my job and my life as a mom. I was 23 when I had my first son, so I was still in the “I can do anything you can do better” phase of my life.

I’m so over that.

Three kids later, I realize that I’m just not cut out for life in the workforce. I’m not sure I could pull myself out of bed each morning, squeeze myself into professional attire, and schlep off to work leaving a happy, healthy household in my wake.

Call me lazy, or unmotivated, or weak.

Call me all of those things if you must, I know my weaknesses.

Let’s not forget, I am the person who breastfed all three kids for a full year each simply because I didn’t want to have to tromp downstairs in the middle of the night to get a bottle.

Some people call my commitment to nursing “an amazing devotion to baby”, I call it being lazy.

So I’m giving a big round of applause to all of those mommies who are out there doing their thing, making money, and growing people.

Because seriously, you rock!

Not that we SAHMs don’t do our share, ‘cause really, we do.

But, at least I get to do it in a muumuu, and that is a huge advantage in my book.

HUGE!

Now, come on over to my blog, parenting BY dummies, and see how this Dumb Mom of 3 handsome boys singlehandedly teaches them that life is not all about sacrifice and responsibility, it’s about awesomeness too! Well, I guess it’s not exactly singlehandedly because I do share this responsibility with my hubby, aka Dumb Dad, but he really doesn’t do much in the way of hands on teaching; he’s more of a what-your-mom-said kinda guy.

Oh, and I’m running a super fun photo contest that just started today so get on over there right now for your chance to enter and win!

Lesson #14 - Even If You Think You Are...You Are Never Alone

This post was inspired by a recent post by another blogger. I always wondered if I was alone in the world, but after reading her stuff I realized that I have found a kindred spirit! If you haven't already read her posts, RUN - DO NOT WALK to Speaking From The Crib IMMEDIATELY. It is some of the BEST wet-your-pants material you will read. EVER!

I don't know about you...but I have a big mouth...not to be confused with a loud mouth...which I also have, on occasion. No, those people not only spew whatever comes into their minds like they suffer from diarrhea of the mouth, but they also do it in such a manner so that EVERYONE in EVERY corner of the Super Wal-mart can hear EACH. LAST. FREAKING. WORD. But I digress.

I suffer from diarrhea of the mouth and, much to the man's dismay (and that of numerous friends who have been the unfortunate companion during one of my bouts), I tend to spew at the WORST times. There is a bit of thought that goes into the situation before I spew - despite what those around me may think. Take, for example, a past trip to the mall. Now, I have definitely made my fair share of trips to the mall...this one, however, seems to stick out in my mind the most.

It was a crummy day outside and I wanted to walk. Keep in mind that this was pre-motherhood, so my thoughts towards those with offspring wasn't what they are currently - now that I are one. Also remind yourself that this was a time when the Sept. 11th attacks weren't just a vague notion, but still fresh in peoples' minds. Anyways, I wanted to walk and walk I did. In and out of stores I went, down one side of the mall and back up the other side. I was there to walk laps, albeit casually, not to shop - for once.

As I made my way around the second floor and proceeded to the first floor, I noticed a large pack (think = wolves) of toddlers and teens walking my way. The children seemed to be making their way towards me at a rapid rate of speed as I got off of the escalator. I felt like an elderly woman in the grocery store parking lot having to dive away from an on-coming car because I wasn't crossing the cross-walk fast enough nor did I bother to give a quick "thanks" to the driver who paused momentarily and is now cursing me. Little did I notice the mothers (that is right kids, there were MANY of them) of said children pushed strollers behind them in hot pursuit. While I wouldn't usually comment on such a situation, I felt it necessary to do so this particular time because I was almost the unfortunate victim of a woman who had lost her shopping-cart-pushing-rights and decided to have a kid so she would have lifetime stroller-pushing-rights.

Note: Ladies, if you have issues pushing a damn shopping cart AND you plan on having kids sometime in the future - take some DAMN lessons!! A shopping cart is quite similar to a stroller. The. End.

As the mothers raced past me, I mumbled, "Jesus, what do you think that thing is - a f@%king airplane?" Oh...did I forget to mention that said mothers and children were not of the Caucasian, African American or Hispanic ethnicity?? Well, no, they weren't...which might have been why the reference to a plane came so easily in my bout of mouth diarrhea.

I didn't say it LOUD but apparently I said it loud ENOUGH. YIKES! I can't be certain, but I am sure that day I ended with more jihads sent my way than when I woke up. It was a scary experience...I really thought I would get jumped. Though, it wasn't scary enough for me to learn my lesson and keep my mouth shut from that point on...because...lets be serious...how much fun would that REALLY be?!?!

Lesson #5 - The Word "Adoption' Is Too Big For Small Minds

I have always known, from the time I could talk, that I was adopted. I mean, it was a little hard to hide since my parents look VERY different from myself. My parents always told me that they didn't choose me, but that I chose them - which, to a preschooler is pretty darn cool. The one thing my parents didn't tell me, either because they wanted to shield me or due to their own naivety, was that the word "adoption" is not taught to everyone. It is difficult for a 4-year-old to understand that while her family is normal - to her - it is very ABnormal to everyone else. Well, school was going to teach me that lesson the hard way.

When I think about the times that I tried to explain my home situation, my mind goes back to elementary and middle schools. My first day of Kindergarten does not stand out in my head...the day I was made fun of for being adopted, does. I was on the playground with a hop-scotch group when one of the girls asked why my mommy an daddy looked different than me. With excitement I began to explain how my family-unit came to be...yet, as soon as I mentioned "adoption" everyone froze. Try as I might, my abilities to explain the word just didn't suffice. I got confused looks, befuddled comments and some even ignored me. Soon enough we all forgot and went about our business. That day went by like any other day at school. I finished my game during recess, sang during music, colored during art and got on the bus to go home.

The next day was quite a different story. I found myself back outside at recess, with my same play group, playing hop-scotch after lunch. The tone, however, was quite different than from the day before. Suddenly, one girl (whom I thought was a dear friend, but what did I know at 4-years old?!) looked at me and said, "Your mommy and daddy aren't your real parents." I'm sorry, what?! What do you MEAN they aren't my real parents?! They take care of me, feed me when I'm hungry, comfort me when I cry, fix my bo-bo's when I get hurt...isn't that what real parents do?? The concept of my parents not REALLY being my parents was very foreign to me. The girl then proceeds to say, "Your real mommy and daddy didn't love you...so they decided to give you up to another mommy and daddy." WHOA!!! I had never thought of it like that before. Thoughts were swirling through my head - thoughts that I had never thought before. The hop-scotch game quickly ended when the girl said, "Ha-ha...you're parents don't love you," and then threw a rock at me.

That night, with tears in my eyes, I went to my parents to inquire as to whether or not they loved me. My parents were, of course, taken aback by my questions and asked where they were coming from. I told them about my experience at school and explained what the girl in my class had said to me. My mom began crying. I'm sure she knew the topic would come up at some point, but I don't think she was quite ready to explain it to my 5-year-old mind.

She started by saying that she and my father loved me very much. In fact, they loved me even MORE because they thought of me as a gift from God. She explained that, for one reason or another, she and my father couldn't have a baby together. While my parents were trying to have a baby, they went to many doctor visits to figure out why they weren't having children. Then, one day, a good friend went to my parents and said that she knew of a woman who had gotten pregnant by accident. This woman didn't have the means or resources to take care of a child, but she didn't want to get rid of it. Finding a happy home for her child was her only option - and she choose my parents. It all made sense after my mom explained everything and I was glad that .

I saw my family with new eyes after that night. I know it sounds heavy and, for a 5-year-old, it really was deeper than any Kindergartener should have to understand. The next day at school, when that mean little girl came up to me at recess, I was able to look her in the face and say - with confidence - that my mommy and daddy probably loved me MORE than her mommy and daddy loved her. Now, I know that probably wasn't true, but it sounded good as it came out of my mouth. Seeing her run away crying also instilled a sense of "gotcha." From that point on, I had the whole story to tell - just in case any OTHER kid wanted to tell me that my mommy and daddy didn't love me...to the contrary, they loved me more than words could describe.

Lesson #3 - Pregnancy Does Not Require Immediate Attention AND It Is A "Pre-Existing Condition"

Oh baby...LITERALLY! Now, before you get distressed by the title...don't!! As with everything, there are pros AND cons. Pregnancy should really be considered another full-time job. After I found out that I was pregnant, 10 home tests later, I called my ob/gyn for an appointment (apparently I felt that a nurse doing a pregnancy test would be far more accurate than the 10 I took at work). So, I got on the phone with the receptionist at the ob/gyn office - whom I had just seen for my yearly appointment a few weeks prior. She sounded a little shocked on the phone - and who can blame her?! My doc's wonderful receptionist was able to fit me in for an appointment - in 5 weeks!!! I'm sorry, but 5 weeks?!?! Apparently my pregnancy isn't considered something that needs immediate attention.

Well, five weeks came and went and finally it was the morning of my appointment. Them man and I walked into the office - part excited, part concerned - and I proceeded to sign-in. The receptionist opened the window, looked at me and said, "Didn't we just see you a few weeks ago?" I wanted so badly to bark back, "No, it was almost 2 months ago because apparently my being pregnant isn't a matter that needs to be confirmed right away." Alas, I held back and just laughed quietly to myself.

When my name was called, I walked back to meet my fate. The bubbly nurse was almost too bubbly...and honestly, I wanted to punch her in the face. Again, I felt it necessary to keep that to myself so - against my better judgment - I did just that. I was directed to pee in a cup and even though I told the nurse, a number of times, that I had already taken 10 home tests - she forced the cup on me anyways.

After getting my weight, blood pressure, I was whisked back to an exam room and told to put on the gown. On the way to the exam room, the nurse asked if the man wanted to come back as well. "Can he take my spot," I asked...unfortunately, her answer was no. The doctor finally came into the room and - surprise, surprise - the test was positive. A quick, and VERY intrusive, exam later and off we went. The man and I were equipped with a prescription for pre-natal vitamins, numerous supplements and the ever popular - first ultrasound!

Fast-forward a few weeks when I get the statement from my insurance company. The statement hadn't even fully loaded on my computer (I get them via email - how green of me!) before I was on the phone with my ob/gyn's office. As I was reviewing the document I noticed that the "patient responsibility" for my most recent ob/gyn appointment was an un-godly amount! I requested (read: demanded) to speak with a billing specialist to get this issue solved. "It looks like your claim was denied by insurance," the billing demon said to me. I asked how that could be since my insurance covers 100% of pregnancy costs (which is awesome compared to most plans). The demon said she wasn't sure what the mix-up was, but they did submit the paperwork correctly. After politely telling the demon that I would not be paying the bill at this time, I quickly got the insurance company on the phone to give them a piece of my mind. I spoke with a very pleasant insurance goddess whom I gave permission "to view my records" so that this misunderstanding could be cleared up. She opened my account and began to rattle off billing terms and words that were far beyond my wealth of knowledge on the matter. She confirmed that my insurance covers 100% and then decided she would transfer me to an insurance guru who would be better equipped to solve this misunderstanding. The guru took seconds to get on the line before saying that the reason my claim was denied is because my pregnancy was considered a "pre-existing condition**"...I'm sorry, did you say "pre-existing"?!?!

** The definition is as follows: a health condition (other than a pregnancy) or medical problem that was diagnosed or treated before enrollment in a new health plan or insurance policy.

Never mind the fact that my newest insurance policy began on June 1st, but I didn't get pregnant until November!! That is SOME pregnancy...and lord knows something should have been done about it by now!! The guru then informed me that the ob/gyn paper-pusher had filled out the form incorrectly. Wait a minute...I just spoke with the billing demon, who ensured me that the forms had been properly filled out on their end. Turns out - the demon misspoke. The paper-pusher had listed my pregnancy as a "secondary condition"...not sure how a pregnancy constitutes a "secondary" as opposed to a "primary" condition, but in her mind - it did.

So, back on the phone I was with the billing demon at the ob/gyn to sort out the paper-pusher's mistake. The billing demon finally (after 35 minutes on the phone) conceded to the paper-pusher's mistake and said the form would be filled out - correctly - and re-submitted to the insurance company. Finally, 2 weeks later, I got an updated insurance statement which reflected the company paying for my ob/gyn fees. Thank goodness!!

Lesson #2 - Parenthood WILL Sneak Up On You

I learned, on a Wednesday, that my dreams of motherhood were coming to fruition FAR sooner than I had ever imagined possible. I will remember that day for eternity. The man and I had only known each other for about 6 weeks...he had just come back to town from a business trip...the following day was his birthday - the big 3-0. That night we were laying on the couch talking when he happened to mention the fact that my monthly mood swings weren't as pronounced that month (I was sure to warn him beforehand, since things tend to get a little violent if not dealt with carefully). I responded, with certainty, that he shouldn't worry and things don't always occur according to the same clock. He joked and asked if I was pregnant...we both laughed. Inside, I was sure that being a few days late wasn't anything to be alarmed about...this wasn't the first time it had happened.

The next day (if you're following, this is the man's birthday) at work was like any other. Get in...check email...write a to-do list...sit at desk and type away on keyboard. Around lunch I began to wonder if the man's thoughts had any merit. I decided to make a trip to the local drug store - just to be sure. A co-worker of mine agreed to make the short walk with me. While there I decided it was probably best to get a few different test brands, on the off chance that I didn't like the results I was given. The clerk rang up my 12 tests and off I went back to the office.

I am fully aware that false positives happen. My hope was that, by some strange force, the 10 tests I had taken would have all been false positives. Yes, you read correctly...10 tests. I took 1 test every 20 minutes for almost 3 hours straight. After number 10, I decided that the tests couldn't be wrong. Not wanting to give the man any unnecessary stress at work, I decided to call my best friend.

My best friend, whom I love dearly, is not the kind of person who deals well with crying. Granted, she is a girl, but she isn't your average chickie....which is why I love her so much! Ok, anyways, I call my girl - in tears of disbelief - to tell her my story. Of course she knew of the man and how great our relationship was going...but this was definitely a shock for her as well. After a few minutes on the phone, we got off because we were both at work and, in all seriousness, she just wasn't prepared for all the crying.

After work, I went to pick up a cake for the man's birthday. Then I brought the cake home and waited...and waited...and waited...and cried...and waited!! The man finally got home from work and saw that I'd been crying. Let me add a sidebar that - at this time - the man did share his home with a roommate. In any case, we had a minute to sit down and talk...and that was when I broke the news.

Once the shock, disbelief and thoughts of, "is this really happening to us," we were thrilled about impending parenthood. The thrill wore off, not more than a few weeks later, and the feelings of shock and disbelief came back with a vengeance!!! A parent (noun) is one who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child. While the man and I talked about having children in the future, we didn't exactly mean before getting engaged. I always said I wanted children (the more Republicans on this Earth, the better), but right now wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

Let us, for a minute, forget the fact that the man and I weren't engaged. Sure we had talked about getting married, but that wasn't for at least another year - assuming that things worked out in the first place. Let us also forget the fact that, honestly, we had JUST met not long ago. How could we bring another life into this world without really knowing each other first?! Well, we were about to find out...and that is where the babe's story began.