{Pour Your Heart Out - Dear The Man}

I really don't want to "go there"...but I feel it is necessary. This post could be considered graphic (no pictures, and not in a sexual way) and may offend some people...turn back now if you want.

Dear The Man,

I really can't count the ways that I love you - there are too many to list. You are an upstanding citizen and a loving person - I respect you for who you are and who you make me. After the other night, though, my respect for you has diminished a tad - and this is why.

I don't mind you playing video games - in fact, I have purchased quite a few for you in the past. It is a way for you to release some of your work tension and relax...which is fine by me. It doesn't interfere with family time and you never chose gaming over personal hygiene, which is, again, fine by me. This night in particular, though, your actions made me nauseous - so much so that I, in fact, vomited in our bathroom after running up the stairs.

You said you had a new game that you wanted to play - one that was borrowed from a co-worker. I thought nothing of it and decided to actually watch you play for once while simultaneously reading blog posts in the background. Then the moment came, it was at the beginning of the game, where everything about the plot was described in detail.

A man was minding his own business until a group of thugs came into his home and kidnapped him. This man was put on a bus - after being kicked down some stairs while blindfolded. While on the bus, the man witnessed others lined up on the sidewalk - with bags over their heads. They were being beaten - almost to death - while begging for their lives. As the bus continued down the road, I saw something that no one should EVER have to see. At first I heard a child crying and thought it could be one of our own...but it wasn't...no, the cries I heard were coming from the game itself. In front of 2 gunmen, a man stood against a wall with his hands tied behind him...begging for his life. To the right of one gunman stood a child - no more than 4 or 5 - crying and screaming. Then - just like that - 2 shots and the man against the wall fell to the ground. The cries which came from that small boy after seeing his father hit the ground were so real...so painful...so infuriating. I had no choice but to jump from the couch - barely ripping the computer cord from the wall - and run up the stairs and to our bathroom.

As I walked quickly away I kept repeating that I would be going upstairs and how I couldn't believe you were able to watch something like that. Your only response was, "It is only a video game...its not real." Have we as a society really become so numb that things like this don't bother us anymore?? No wonder why our children are threatened by gunmen at school!!

It took me a good 15 minutes to stop vomiting...and another 15 to stop crying...and even after a full 3 hours I still have not regained my composure. Call me crazy - call me emotional - call me what you wish...but honestly, I didn't ever want to see anything like that - animated or not.

I am not naive to reality and am fully aware this kind of behavior does occur in some parts of the world - but why would you feel so compelled as to bring it into our home? Is it really so much to ask that this kind of thing be kept away from the only true sanctuary we have on this Earth?! Couldn't you have at least WARNED me that something of that nature COULD happen and maybe I should leave the room?! I would have gone willingly...and respected you more for giving me a heads up. Now I'm sickened at the thought of you enjoying to play such trash...because that is what it is to me now...trash.


With a Lower Respect for You,
Wifey



I am linking up with Shell today:

Lesson #133 - I Was Meant To Own A Restaurant

Damn...this mama can COOK! I will prove it too (this is NOT a sponsored post - I just love to cook)!

I made this beef roast for The Man a few nights ago - and (even though I'm on a diet) I just had to take a little nibble. It came out so good and I am not strong enough to resist the smell of a fabulous beef roast!

Yeah...me...I made that beautiful hunk of beef.

Wanna know how?!

I pulled the beef out of the fridge about 10 minutes before I wanted to cook it - to take the chill off. Preheat your oven to 500 degrees - I know this sounds more like broiling, but put it on the bake setting - it will make sense in a minute.

If any of you have ever used McCormick's Montreal Steak flavored seasoning - then I don't have to sing its praises...for those of you who have not - GET WITH THE PROGRAM. It is some seriously good stuff! I'm sure you could make your own seasoning mix, but I like the bottled stuff.

I coat the outside - the whole way around - with said seasoning. I am a little heavy-handed with it because I love the "sauce" that is at the bottom of the pan. YUM! Okay, so then I put the roast into the oven - please wait for it to pre-heat - for EXACTLY 20 minutes.

Once those 20 minutes are done - turn off the stove BUT DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR! You are to leave the roast in the oven for another 90-120 minutes (that is 1.5 - 2 hours, for those of you who can't do math). Keeping the oven door closed seals in the heat and continues to cook the meat even though the heat source is off.

Then, just pull it out...wait 15 minutes...and slice.

ENJOY!!!

Lesson #132 - The Man Can Be A Himbecile On Occasion

Just when I thought The Man was...he does something that proves - deep down - he is a himbecile (also - thank you so much iCarly for this fantastic word)

Anynickelodeon...the other day, The Man and I were at Target picking something up (on a side note - why is it that we can NEVER make it out of that place without spending a gazillion dollars?!) and we stopped at the air filter aisle. You know - the big ones for your home air unit.

So, The Man picks up a filter - one that was 14x24 - and said to me, "I am pretty sure this is the size we need." Of course, my educated response was, "Well, did you check the old air filter before we left the house?" I never got an answer...figures.

We finally get home - after spending a gazillion dollars - and The Man goes downstairs to install the new filter. After an obscene amount of banging and other loud noises coming from the basement (enough to make the children cry), The Man emerges - semi-victorious; semi-winded. I asked him what all the fuss was about - since it was clearly fussy enough to anger the chitlins:

TM: "It looks like the air filter I got was a little too large."
ME: "Oh, well which one should you have gotten? That way I can remember for next time."
TM: "I don't know. It looks like it was maybe 2 inches too big. I had to shove it in on the sides."
ME: "Ok...so it should have been a 12x24 then, right?
TM: "I'm not sure. I mean, I don't know exactly how much larger it was than the old one."
ME: "Didn't you look at the old one. What did the side of the filter say?"
TM: "I don't know."
ME: "You do know that there are measurements on the sides of those filters, right?"
TM: "Yeah. I know."
ME: "...and what did it say?"
TM: "12x24"

*cricket - cricket - cricket*

SERIOUSLY?!

Lesson #94 - It Pays To Be "THAT Parent"

This past Sunday was a day free of The Babe's 10am swim lesson (to see what we did on Saturday, go here). Thanks to spring break, we got the chance to stay at home and relax with The Man all day...it was nice! The Sunday before was a different story. While I always enjoy attending swim lessons, i was even MORE excited for The Babe's third class - because I actually remembered to bring my nice digital camera to take pictures!!

About half way through the class, some raging-hormonal-very angry-manager lady came running towards all of the parents who were taking pictures (I'd say there were 5 out of the class of 12) and yelled that we were not allowed to take pictures of the kids during class.

HOLD UP - WHAT?!?!

Of course you KNOW I just had to speak up. We've been taking pictures for the past 3 friggin' weeks...why are you just now telling us all about this so-called "policy"?!

The parents stopped their photo-taking (I managed to get a few more while crazy-lady wasn't looking) and after the class, The Man went up to crazy-lady to inquire about the policy. He asked why he'd never heard about it - no one in the class was ever informed of it before - and wanted her to point it out, section and line, for our review. Crazy-lady said she didn't know where it could be found, but that she only enforces the rules...though she promised to do some research and have it available for parents at this coming swim lesson on Sunday.

Thankfully, the aquatics director nipped the issue in the bum BEFORE the swim lesson on Sunday...the below email was sent to all parents (as a BCC - good move!) who have kids in the Sunday parent-and-me swim lesson...ENJOY!!

Good Evening,

My name is {embarrassed aquatics director} and I am with {your fabulous community rec center}. I write today to follow up on an incident that occurred during your recent swim class in regards to the policy on photography in our facilities. First and foremost, please allow me to apologize on behalf of the manager who incorrectly informed and enforced our photography policy with your class!

While {this rec center} and our agency [as a whole] takes reasonable efforts to prevent the exploitation of children and families partaking in our parks, this photography policy was taken out of context by the manager. We have taken corrective measures with all of our managers to prevent such an experience from occurring in the future. In short, PLEASE enjoy taking pictures and making memories of your children in their swimming classes. We look forward to them "growing up" in our learn-to-swim programs!

If you have any questions or concerns in regards to this or any area of our facility, please do not hesitate to contact me directly.

Happy Swimming
Embarrassed Aquatics Director

Oh yeah...that is right...hang your head in shame!!!

Not get a shot of this...

...you gotta be KIDDING me!!

Lesson #89 - Skinny Jeans Are For Skinny Bodies

I just LOVE (love, love, love, love) the fact that - for the most part - all of this cold weather is behind us and the gracious Mr. Sun has brought his family - Mrs. Ray, Ms .Heat, Little Birdie and Pretty Flower - out to play! I honestly don't know if I could handle any additional bad weather. My heart goes out to those in the Northeast suffering through the floods and clean-up efforts!

Anywho...this past Saturday I packed up the babe (and the man) and we all headed out to the park. Once we arrived, I looked at hubs and said, "It doesn't look like we're in Kansas anymore, Toto!" Keep in mind we had walked to our friendly neighborhood park...and there were a gazillion children around. Presumably because it was nice outside and their parents wanted them to get some fresh air...and possibly run around a larger square footage area than a kitchen. I saw things (and proceeded to point them out to the man) that I don't think I will ever get out of my head. Things that just shouldn't be done in a public area...or ANY area for that matter!!

The biggest fashion faux pas that was witnessed?? Large people wearing small clothes.

Holy heck, people!! This is a FAMILY park...public place or not...lets think of the kids, huh!! I can't believe why, or how, some of these women would force themselves to wear pieces of clothing - mostly jeans or shorts - that were CLEARLY not made to fit their current body type.

Ladies, please (for the love of all things cute and pink) put money aside for the purpose of purchasing a new wardrobe when it is necessary. Now, I am not saying that thousands of dollars need to be spent every. single. season for new clothes...although to some, that is a nice dream...what I am saying is please do not continue to wear (or TRY to wear) that same pair of skinny jeans you wore in college...because they just don't fit anymore.

Even the simple fact that they don't fit anymore isn't something to be ashamed of, either! Not at all! Seriously, look at you...you're a wife (to a pretty smokin hubs) and a mother (to some adorable little rugrats) - not a twenty-something college sorority girl looking to hook up with a frat guy. While you MIGHT have been/done that in the past, that is not who/what you are now! Be proud of the transition you've gone through - and look good while doing it!


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Lesson #87 - Be Thankful For A Break

A few weeks ago The Man thought he had to go out of town for his job. There was a trip scheduled for a week that would take him to who-knows-where overseas. So, I decided to ask my parents if they could take The Babe for that week while The Man was gone. Of course my mom was crazy-excited (yes, that is the technical term) and was probably jumping up-and-down on the other end of the phone while talking to me about it.

The trip ended up getting canceled at the last minute, but I still thought it would be a good idea for my parents to take The Babe...because The Man and I needed some "us" time...and the job stress was really getting to me. So a break was a nice prospect to put us back in the right mind-set.

So, not this past Sunday, but the one before my parents made the trip over here to attend one of The Babe's swim lessons (further discussion on that to come). Anyways, after the lesson we all went out for lunch at this GREAT little Mexican place down the street. After lunch, we packed up The Babe and all of her gagillion toys/diapers/wipies/solid foods/and every other thing that a wee one needs to travel (which is WAY more than I have time to list) and off she went with my parents...YAY!

I truly am thankful to my parents for giving The Man and I a whole week to ourselves. It was nice to get home and take a nap without worrying when The Babe was going to wake up hungry - or how long play time should last. We were able to go to dinner one night, watch a movie another night and just learn to relax. It seems like life just keeps going at break-neck speeds once kiddos come into the picture. So, thanks Mom and Dad for taking care of The Babe!!
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<-- Make sure you take a look-see at my other lessons off to the left :)

Lesson #75 - When It Rains, It Pours {Part I}

(This lesson was originally supposed to be posted on Friday, February 26th)

Is there some sort of rules that says more than one bad thing must happen at once?? Why is it that the walls are all to crumble at the same time??

Wednesday night I started feeling a little sick. Not sick enough to think about staying home the following day - especially not with a work event coming up on Monday!

So I woke up on Thursday morning and got ready for my day like any other. Picked my lunch out of the fridge, locked the front door, stepped into my car and drove to work. I sat down at my desk around 7a and had to run (RUN) to the bathroom around 9a.

Without giving all of the details, let us just say that I am thrilled each floor of the office has a bathroom. If I was working in a normal office building where I had to run down the hall, around the corner and wait for an elevator in order to get to the loo...well...I wouldn't want to clean up the mess(es) that would have been made.

Try as I might, I just couldn't get through my entire day. I called the man and he agreed to come and pick me up from the office. By the time I got in touch with the man, it was almost time for him to get to work. He called, though, and decided to take a sick day to take care of me (awwwwwwwwwwww..isn't he great?!).

Hopefully a sick day and the weekend will help me recoup enough to make it to my work event next week. Business must go on as usual, I suppose...so off I will be - away on an airplane - to my destination. I really hope I am feeling better in time to catch my flight on Monday. There really is nothing worse than being sick and having to fly. Airplane bathrooms really don't lend themselves to constant trips back and forth to get sick.

Wish me luck!!

Lesson #64 - A Birthday Is Just Another Day

That is what I tell myself every year. Okay, so it is my birthday...so what?! I am another year older - waahoo! This year I happen to be half way to 52...SUPER! I digress!! Since everyone loves getting presents...and hopefully you all want to see the presents I got (wink), let us review what I got this year for my birthday (and what I gave to others):

Before going to sleep on Friday night, I thought to myself - my birthday should be a national holiday, darn it...and so - for my name's sake - I figured I'd give a VAST majority of people the most fabulous snow fall they've ever seen...30 inches in my area, of course, so that I could enjoy it as well!

I woke up on Saturday morning and made the man and I breakfast...and what better for a princess's birthday breakfast than pink pancakes?!

After breakfast, it was time to put the babe down for her nap...and she wasn't happy with me at ALL. She ever gave me the stink eye!

I went into the bedroom to chat with the man, while he was getting ready for work, and saw a wonderful card on my side of the bed...

Since I gave everyone snow, I thought I should probably give the man a few helpers to dig him out...he did have to go to work after all!

I can't forget the angry babe that greeted me after her nappy nap...she has not been happy thanks to her first tooth cutting through!

Before her afternoon nap, I thought I would give the babe a wee bit of vodka on her gums...because I couldn't find the Baby Orajel...don't judge - our parents did it to us and we turned out just fine!!

So, in review, I got the following for my 26th birthday:

* Pink Pancakes (YAY)
* Stink Eye (from the babe)
* A Beautiful Card (that made me cry) from The Man
* An angry crying child post-nappy nap

...and I gave the following to those around me (because I'm just THAT damn nice):

* Snow...and not just some piddly snow...I'm talking 30 friggin inches, people!
* Helpers with Dust Pans...to dig out the Hummer!
* Vodka...hopefully The Babe's gums weren't in so much pain after that!

The one thing that I really wanted...but didn't get...a nice juicy STEAK (I promise, there is a grill under there)!!! BOOOOOO!

Just For Fun - Post-It Note Tuesday

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Lesson #52 - Husbands Are A GREAT Source Of Entertainment

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The hubs and I love playing our Wii! We both also need to get our butts in shape! The solution was him purchasing the Wii Fit Plus for me for Christmas. I don't know if any of you have gotten this, but it is great...I mean, like lost 4 pounds in a week, great! Sure you need to cut back on the calorie intake and set up a workout regimine...but it is completely worth the $99 price tag!!

There are a number of workouts, yoga exercises/stretches, aerobics and then the best parts - the games!! One of the more entertaining games is the Hula Hoop "contest". This can be played alone or with multiple players. Like all of the other games, though, your time isn't saved if you are playing the multi-player option. I digress.

So, anyways, I am a huge fan of hula hooping...I mean, it is one of my most memorable childhood past times. When I first tried the game, I didn't score too high...I think it was only 150 points or something. Then it was the man's turn. Wouldn't you know it...he beat me...by DOUBLE!!! I'm sure he would have gotten more points had he not been laughing so hard. Why was he laughing so hard, you ask?? Well, it was because I was laughing at him!!! Laughing so hard that I almost had milk coming out of my nose - had I been drinking milk!*

Never have I ever seen a man so determined to get a high score in hula hooping. The way he was moving his hips was just the best form of entertainment I could have ever asked for! I kept threatening to take a video of the craziness as it was unfolding so that I could post it on this here portion of blog-topia. Well, I was told that wasn't going to happen...and if it did, I would not like the outcome. So, instead of seeing the man rocking out to some hula hooping fun...I found a similar video of another guy getting his groove on!! Enjoy!



*Note: It is NOT a good idea to drink milk during ANY sort of exercise. Water should be your beverage of choice.

Lesson #41 - The Babe Only Gets One Container Of Solid Food A Day

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I woke up on Saturday to the babe talking...LOUD...probably saying, "Hey you lazy broad - come and get me so I can get a new diaper and some food...like, yesterday!!!!" One of the best feelings in the world is walking in to get the babe in the morning (or after she wakes from a nap) and seeing her all smiles and giggles...it is indescribable joy! After a quick diaper change (I'm talking under 30 seconds) I take the babe downstairs for some breakfast. The man wasn't too far behind - stumbling down the stairs in despirate need of his morning coffee! A container of peaches was gotten and soon the babe was making quite the mess bathing in her orange drool swallowing mouthfuls of sweet fruit as she looked around the family room. Then, sitting down with his coffee, the man turned on the TV and looked my way,

"You have been doing a lot lately. If you want to go out and run your errands today I will stay home and play with the babe until you get home. Then all of us can put together an early dinner and cuddle in front of a movie."

I'm sorry...what?!?! Did you just offer me a day of running around sans the babe...without having to ask you...AND it was your idea?! "Who are you and what have you done with my husband," I asked the man. He just laughed and insisted I go out and enjoy myself - maybe even get my hair did like I'd been wanting to do for the past few weeks.

After the babe was finished making a mess with her breakfast, I passed her over to the man, made myself presentable, and got out the door. Being without the babe - or the man - is not something that happens often and I was determined to enjoy the day. Off to the salong I went and was happy to find that my stylist was available - and open - right that minute...this IS going to be a good day!! I had a few other errands to run...the usually walking around the mall just to "window shop", stop at Target for toothpaste and deodorant (the folks at work started to complain) and a quick pause at CVS for a prescription refill.

I ended up finishing my running around a bit earlier than expected and I was actually eager to get home to see the babe and the man. I pulled into the house, walked up to the front door, turned my key, walked in and couldn't help myself from saying, "Hi honey, I'm home!" I turned to my left and was greeted by a brown haired woman - I've never seen before - feeding the babe a container of solid food. Looking at her I calmly said, "Who are you and why are feeding my baby solid food?!" I wanted to ask her name, why she was in my home and where my husband was - among other questions - but she didn't look too bright and I wanted to avoid any confusion.

My chin hit the floor when the dumb brunette broad looked at me and said, "What do you mean you're baby? This is my boyfriend's child and it is her dinner-time." It was all I could do to keep my cool (as you can probably imagine)!!! At this point all I could muster was, "The babe already had solid food for breakfast and she can only have one container a day." Just as I finished my statement, the man came waltzing down the stairs. He looked at me, then at the brunette, that at the babe and back at me. Wouldn't you know it...the best he could come up with was, "You've got to be effing kidding me!"

I don't know if she thought it was a good idea to speak at this moment, but the dumb broad looked at the man and said, "This woman just came in and said the babe was her child. I thought you said the front door was locked honey." Yeah, ok...time to teach this biotch a lesson...and not just any lesson, but I was about tograbherhairanddragheraroundtheneighborhoodattachedtothebackofmycar...so that is what I did. Before I knew it, her hair was in my grip and out the front door she went - rolling as she fell down the stairs and off the sidewalk. I turned back to the man and said, "What were you thinking feeding the babe two containers of solid food?!?! You know her tummy can only handle one right now!!"

...then I woke up...

The man started laughing when I finished telling him my dream. He looked at the babe as she giggled and cooed and said to her, "See babe...the moral of the story is that you can only have one container of solid food a day." I could have hit him!! Ugh...men!!

Lesson #40 - The First GP Of The New Year Requires A List

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Welcome to "Transient Tuesdays"...I am glad that you decided to stop by! Have a seat, kick up your feet and enjoy this week's post from THE MAN!!!!!! That is right, folks, I conned drugged asked the man nicely and out of morbid curiosity - he AGREED!!! Really, we were showering and I compared my blog to a high school yearbook. I asked if he remembered those days - where the FIRST person to write in your yearbook was the COOLEST...and your BFF! So, seeing as this is my first guest post of the New Year, I didn't want to be that kid in the corner with no one to sign my yearbook. Yeah...I guilted him into it...he totally could have said no (yeah, right)!! So...here he is my blogtopia friends...THE MAN:

So after my many weeks of trying to figure out what I lessons that I've learned in my life that I want to impart on you, and by weeks I mean about 20 minutes. I've decided that we'll go with the top 10 lessons that I try to live by!

10. If Law and Order is on then we will be watching it! Not only do I like it but so does WM!

9. If you're early, then you're on time. If you're on time then you're late. If you're late, then WM will never let you forget it!

8.You get to live your life the way you want to up until the baby pops out! Then you get to continue living the way you want to until the baby decides she is hungry, tired, bored, needs a changing, wants to be held, played with, or just make you do things at her will!

7. Most people really are stupid! Now some of you are thinking that that is a little harsh, but let me explain first. WM and I  were at a party and the TV was on showing a picture of the White House. A fellow party goer in all their wisdom chimed in "what is that building," to which I replied it's the White House. Their shocking answer was, "but where is the dome?"  REALLY? A dome on the White House? I explained to them that they probably took it down because they had to take the holiday decorations off and clean it. They agreed, saying that "it probably looked really nice with the dome lit up for the holidays." And this was a guy with a college degree!

6. If WM isn't happy then no one is happy! And if they are, then there will be hell to pay!

5. Cherish your family and friends! Cause at some point you're going to want them to babysit and clean that dirty diaper!

4. Put your all in everything you do!

3. Plan for the worst, and hope for the best! Gotta love when the diaper is just pee!

2. Do what ever needs to be done. That way, the things you forget to do is less work for WM.

1. Don't ever embarrass WM! Unless it's for fun! Cause sometimes it's just funny to talk a little extra loudly in the grocery store about which condoms we should have used!

I hope everyone was able to enjoy their holiday vacation as much as I did!!! It was nice meeting everyone - and I look forward to seeing you all again soon! The Man - Over and Out...

Lesson #38 - There Are Certain "Suggestions" To Follow To Maintain Civility

I was browsing Yahoo! the other day (can I say that on Google?! Oh well!) and came across this grrrrreat article title "10 Things Husbands Should Never Do" written by Diane Oats. As I was reading through the list, I couldn't help but to laugh. Some of these things fall under my, "Things Not To Say If You Want To Live" category, but others were just plain silly!! The man was looking over my shoulder as I was reading and as I laughed all he could muster was a scoff..."I bet that was written by some feminist broad," he said. I shot him "the look" and he kept his trap shut. Instead of re-printing the article I am going to summarize. These are good!

10. Expect a medal for doing a little housework. I couldn't agree more!! Just because I am a woman and you are a man - doesn't mean you can't chip in a little too...I mean, we both live here and share responsibility for the mess...so we should both clean, right?! Saying you're going to clean, but then leaving the mess for me doesn't count either - in fact, it will make me more mad.

9. Say anything remotely critical about our new haircut. We like to be pampered and getting a new 'do falls into that category. There is nothing quite like someone washing your hair and then giving you a new look in the mirror. However, if the job was botched - don't say anything because chances are, we already know that!

8. Know it all, especially in public. This one didn't rank high on my personal list. Things like this happen all the time. You might have done something, but someone else knows someone who did the same thing just a little bit better - or faster - or longer - or...well, you get the picture.

7. Buy clothes without trying them on. The point behind this one was that if the clothes don't fit then I would be stuck with the returns. Thankfully, though, the man doesn't require a lot of new things...so this one doesn't fall high on my list either.

6. Be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble. The great thing about this one is that if the man doesn't make a fuss about a meal - when I obviously took a long time to prepare everything, cook it up and make a stellar table scape presentation...then I just don't cook anymore. Simple as that! As you can see - this one also didn't rank high on my list.

5. Brag about your driving. The man frequently tells me that I can't drive. Really, I can't drive LIKE HIM and that is what frustrates him, I think. Diane threatened to "reach over, grab the wheel and make the car swerve into something, just to shut him up" and to that I say - GREAT IDEA!!!

4. Buy us the “cougar” perfume. LOL! The man knows not the get me perfume...it is a waste of money for something that I will only really have the time to put on a few times. A gift card for a massage - or any other spa treatment - is always a welcomed gift!!

3. Give a home appliance as a gift. I would like to add - "unless I ask for it" because whatever appliance makes my life easier is always welcome in my casa.

2. Imply that office work is harder than housework. Being on both sides of the spectrum (office work by day and mommy/house work by night) then I can definitely say that the housework takes more steps. Both are mentally taxing and tiresome, though. Since the man doesn't have a conventional "office job" this has never really come up.

1. Offer to “babysit” your own kids. DING, DING, DING!!!! WE HAVE A WINNER!! I couldn't agree with item number one more - and it definitely makes MY number one! Last I checked, I babysat OTHER peoples' children all through high school and even some of college...but once the babe was born, then it is considered being a PARENT...unless someone wants to pay me to watch my own child - in which case that person should contact me so I can send over a W-9!

So, what is YOUR biggest "suggestion"- leave it in the comments section!! I can't wait to read them!

Lesson #30 - Weathermen Are Only Correct SOME Of The Time...This Is One Of Them

Snow is fun...well, it CAN be fun. Does anyone else question how much (or how little) the public should really be trusting the weather folks?? I mean, it is great that they have the ability to look at the WeatherDoppler5001...but it seems to me that even if they had someone from the future to tell them what the weather forecast is - they would still flip a coin, cross their fingers and pray for the best.

At first they were calling for 6-10 inches of the white stuff...then, about 30 minutes later, they were forecasting 12-18 inches. I can't even remember the last time I saw 18 inches of snow - if ever for that matter. By the end of the day on Friday, the highest prediction was at 24 inches...oh great!!

I didn't believe we could ever get 24 inches of snow so I wasn't so concerned...I mean, how could Mother Nature RUIN the event that had been planned for MONTHS - okay, only one month?!?!?! There was no way that the impending "snowpocalypse" was going to prevent Holiday-Fling-A-Ding 2009...I hadn't my best girlfriends for far too long...no snow...not this weekend!

Alas, this is what the hubs and I woke up to on Saturday morning...white stuff had come down and was up to 12 inches:

By Saturday evening, we had gotten up to 18 inches and it didn't look like it was going to stop any time soon. Needless to say, Holiday-Fling-A-Ding 2009 has been postponed indefinitely. This was the only weekend that all of us had free so who knows when we'll be able to get together now. Probably not until after the New Year...BOOO!!!

On Saturday evening, the hubs thought he would dig out...but he didn't get quite that far - seen here:

He wasn't sad because of the snow...but he was more depressed because he wanted so badly to grill steaks for dinner. I told him that the wind was really bad and that it probably wouldn't be such a great idea. Not only that, but trying to keep the grill at an adequate temperature would be impossible...he still tried:

It didn't work though...we ended up eating broiled steaky goodness - at least I did. Hubs had fajitas...both yummy!

How did you spend your snow day(s)?!?!

Lesson #28 - Wait Until AFTER The Baby Is Born To Purchase Everything

Once the man and I found out we were having a LITTLE GIRL - all bets were off!! I went out and started buying the cutest little outfits I could find...and there are a TON to choose from! Well, I bought said outfits in size 0-3 month - because that is what "normal" children wear after being born...or so I thought.

I really wish that someone would have said - hey, dumb ass, you might want to wait to see what size your bugger will be and wait until AFTER she is born before going nuts-o with the clothes. If you hadn't guessed - no one said that to me...and I just kept right on buying. Not only that, but we also got some super cute clothes at both of the showers we had...YAY for free clothes (and diapers, and wipes, and furniture, and toys, and...well, you get the idea)!

The babe's birthday was upon us me...FINALLY I would get to dress her in all of those cute adorable (I hate this word...sounds like A Door Bell) friggin fabulous little clothes! I packed her a little "going-home" bag that had my top favorites in the outfit department.

The babe was born and as she was being cleaned up, the man said she looked much smaller than the clothes we bought for her. My ob/gyn opened up betting on how much she weighted before the nurse put her on the scale. We all weighed in (no pun intended) and anxiously watched the scale. Turns out the man was right, on, point...6 pounds, 9 ounces on the nose.

Well, my friends...I'm not sure if you've guessed this yet or not, but the babe was WAY too small for all of those cute clothes. She was forced to wear sport that cute silly awful long-sleeved white shirt with her diaper just hanging out. I couldn't help but think what a terrible mother I was - and the babe was just born! I couldn't even provide her with the fabulously cute clothes that would help her stand out amongst a nursery of lemmings. Whoa was me!!

So, I will definitely be prepared with the next babe. Not sure when that time will come...but I will be ready, darn it! I am going to buy the most fabulous cute little outfit in premie, newborn, 0-3 months...and pray beg plead hope that the next one isn't any bigger than a 3 month old!!

Lesson #27 - Gender Isn't Predictable

When the man and I found out that we were having the babe - I just wanted to go out and buy all of the cutest little outfits...right. that. minute!! The man then reminded me that not only were we unable to find out what we were having yet - though he SWORE it would be a boy (because the men in his family have all had boys) - but we'd also get a lot of stuff at the baby showers we would have. Ok, ok, ok...fine...take away my fun!! Seeing as I didn't want all green and yellow items - we would definitely be finding out what we were having as. soon. as. possible.

At our 14 week sono, the tech said that while she couldn't be certain, she was going to guess that the babe was a boy. This was music to the man's ears...seeing as he said from day one that the babe would be a boy. The tech started laughing b/c the man was so excited and then said she wanted to see if she was right - so she'd try to be our tech at 20 weeks (when they can actually tell what you're having)...but the man just knew it was a boy.


Our 20 week appointment came sooner than expected and boy were we ready (no pun intended)!! The man was in a suit that day - though I can't remember why - and I was dressed nice for work. We got to the sono place and checked in - as usual. The same tech from week 14 came out to greet us and took me back so I could put on my oh-so-flattering-very-stylish-blue-and-white-amoeba-pattered-smock. She escorted me to the exam room where the man was so excited he was about to fall out of the chair.

The exam began like normal...arms - check...legs - check...head - check...yeah, things looked as normal as they CAN look at this stage of the game. The time finaly came and she asked if we wanted to know...I'm pretty sure the man was screaming yes before she even finished her sentence. The tech was fumbling around - trying to find the gender (the babe was a modest babe...didn't want to play along)...and suddenly her eyes got big as she stuttered - looks like I was wrong.

I couldn't help but laugh. My poor hubs, who has always wanted his first to be a boy, did fall out of his chair at the thought of having a little girl. From the floor all I heard was the man yell that he wanted a second opinion. Figures he would say that!! So the tech finished up and brought in the doctor on call...and sure enough - LITTLE GIRL!!

As we're sitting in the car driving home the man started cursing his uncle - who he just remembered had a girl - and said that he wouldn't believe it until the babe came out. I think he is still in denial some days...but the babe definitely has daddy wraped around her little finger - as it should be!!

Lesson #25 - Take The Time To Make As Ass Of Yourself...In Public

If you know me, you know that there aren't many things that embarrass me. While some might say that I blush easily, I really don't...in fact, I am proud of my ability with quick comebacks and witty remarks. Honestly, I do believe that I have my father to thank for this ability since he was the one - through my childhood - who was always trying to make me laugh/blush/cry/pee myself.

Call me a glutton for punishment, but the man has the same sense of humor. It has gotten to the point where I have to ignore the times when he really does embarrass me just to make him think that I am okay with it...in the hopes that it won't happen again. Alas, it doesn't always work...though, there are times when the situations are just down-right hilarious!

One night the man got home after work and we decided to go to the grocery store (keep in mind that I was very much pregnant at this point). Usually things are pretty quiet at 11pm, but this night was oddly busy. I am a huge fan of going up and down every aisle - because you never know what you're going to find that you might not need. The man, on the other hand, likes to get in and get out as quickly as possible - because, well, he is a man. When we shop together, I usually win and we get to take a tour of the store aisles.

So, there we are in the store...me barely able to push the cart - waddling walking right along - and the man busy looking at the newest flavored coffee available. I stopped in front of a row of cereal that was on sale and picked up a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Don't ask me why, but this was one of the few cravings I had...not CTC itself, but cereal in general...YUMMY! I digress.

I pick up this box and look at the man, "Can I get another box of CTC? I know I haven't finished the last one yet, but it is on sale." Without missing a beat he looks right back at me - and in his VERY loud "outside voice" he says, "Why don't you ask the baby's daddy to buy your damn cereal?!" I looked at him with an angry look...and then I decided to play along.

"Maybe if you gave me what I wanted in bed I wouldn't have had to cheat on you," I screamed. We both kinda of giggled and the man shot back with, "Fine, but did you have to chose the best man! He is my best friend damn it!" "Well, I guess he isn't anymore - now is he," I questioned. By this point there were people coming form other parts of the store to the aisle we were in to see what was going on. We got to the cashier and the entire staff just stared at us - not wanting to say anything that might make one of us go off again. I really think those in the store that night were happy to see us go...but boy did we have fun!

Just For Fun - Wordless Wednesday

The man found my Mother-Ship (I knew they'd come for me)!!!!

Any other cunning captions out there?!?!

Lesson #21: The Definition Of "Cool" Is Relative

I used to think that I was sooooo cool when I was younger! I still find myself to have a tinge of coolness left in me. I have worked in the bar industry and used to know everyone by name on a Saturday night. That is how one makes money, after all...by making friends. I have done my share of oratory contests - and won, I might add - in front of a panel of judges. When I was in second grade, my teacher swore I would be the first female President (move over Hilary!).

The fact is, I never really did think I was so cool. I would take home every book imaginable from school - beginning in first grade! First grade, people!! I should have been going out to play after school - not worrying about 4th grade math! Then in high school I was a cheerleader, but I wasn't considered one of the pretty girls. I never would have dreamed of becoming Homecoming Queen or being named Most Popular by the yearbook staff.

Sure I was a member of a sorority in college, but those girls were more like my family...which is funny because I don't talk to many of them anymore. I gave up cheerleading to pursue my degree and just get the heck out of school!! I was not only carrying MORE than a full course-load each semester, but also working a full-time job. I was in such a rush to grow up that I forgot to live my life for the moment. I was cool to the only person who mattered - me.

Now, as an "adult", I am still keeping the same jam-packed schedule. I have traded in a full-time class schedule for a full-time work schedule and a full-time work schedule for full-time mommyhood PLUS full-time wifeyhood PLUS full-time housekeeperhood PLUS...well, you get the picture.

Mingling in bars dressed in short skirts and crop tops to make a lousy buck has been replaced with dancing around in my bra and undies trying to make the babe laugh - mommy would even settle for a smile!

Where I was once staying up all night to cram for an exam...I am not staying up all night to rock the babe to sleep...not because she is fussy, but because I just don't want to put her down and miss a minute!

Days of attending frat parties and puffy paint parties (for those of you who don't know - this is where all attendees wear white t-shirts and draw on each other with various colors of the silly raised paint of fun) have been pushed aside with nights of cuddling on the couch with the man in front of a good movie or funny TV show.

The ones I thought were "cool" back in the day aren't as cool as I thought they were. As long as the babe is healthy and the man is fed - I am the "cool" one. Honestly...I wouldn't trade ANY of it for the world. I am truly blessed!

Lesson #18 - Accidents Can Happen To Anyone...At Anytime

I am writing this after breathing a HUGE sigh of relief. I just got home from the emergency room, where I went with the man and the babe.

The babe had been fussy all afternoon/night. At around 6p the man and I gave her a bit of Tylenol because it felt like she was getting hot and fever = no good for kiddos. We fed her a bottle, burped her, changed her and put her down for bed around 9p. The man and I were just about to watch a movie (side note: we just bought The Proposal - on sale for $3 at one of the many Black Friday sales we pillaged) when we heard the babe crying. Knowing that she wasn't feeling well, I thought it would be good to bring her down and cuddle while watching the movie. The man went up to get her and I went into the kitchen to get something to drink. As I was coming out of the kitchen, I heard a loud thump and the man say, "Whoooooaoh shit!"

Much to my horror, the man had slipped and fallen down the stairs!! His foot slipped from under him and he landed on his back/butt - sliding down a few stairs at the bottom. I look to the stairs, see the babe laying face down on the landing and then hear a cry I hope to never hear again (though I know I will). As the man was sliding, he accidentally dropped the babe. She slid down his chest and onto the carpeted floor.

Now, in the man's defense, it wasn't his fault. It could have happened to anyone (yes, even perfect me) at any time.

He scooped up the babe and rocked her. The man was covered in dust (I know, I know...I need to vacuum) and was trying to keep himself together. I ran over and we both tried to comfort the babe...knowing that she was mostly scared/tired and hopefully not hurt. After a solid 10 minutes of crying, she just stopped and fell asleep in my arms. To be sure she was okay, we decided to go to the emergency room - just in case.

We arrived in the most quiet ER I have ever visited - thankfully. We were checked in and admitted within minutes (not the hours I was used to from my youth) and finally seen by a doctor. The babe turned out to be the talk of the ER and all the nurses (even the male EMS tech) LOVED her. The babe was all smiles until the doctor took her.

In the end the babe came out with only a little bump on her head and a bruise on her shoulder.The man felt terrible and I tried to reassure him that it could have happened to me too. My nerves were on the fritz for a bit, but I think I'm okay now. Call me overprotective - call the ER trip an extreme measure - say what you will. I'm just glad that the babe is okay!!

**UPDATE: I forgot the BEST part of all!! So, we're sitting in room number 10 waiting for the doctor. He finally comes in after a few minutes and asks - again - what happened. The man and I go through the story...she slid down the man's chest, tumbled over 1 or 2 stairs and landed on the landing on her face. The doctor just looked at us and said, "I dropped my daughter too...she flew 5 feet...kids are resilient, you know." Good grief!! Here I thought they were going to call child services on us...now I definitely feel better about my parenting skills. Sheeeesh!