Lesson #41 - The Babe Only Gets One Container Of Solid Food A Day

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I woke up on Saturday to the babe talking...LOUD...probably saying, "Hey you lazy broad - come and get me so I can get a new diaper and some food...like, yesterday!!!!" One of the best feelings in the world is walking in to get the babe in the morning (or after she wakes from a nap) and seeing her all smiles and giggles...it is indescribable joy! After a quick diaper change (I'm talking under 30 seconds) I take the babe downstairs for some breakfast. The man wasn't too far behind - stumbling down the stairs in despirate need of his morning coffee! A container of peaches was gotten and soon the babe was making quite the mess bathing in her orange drool swallowing mouthfuls of sweet fruit as she looked around the family room. Then, sitting down with his coffee, the man turned on the TV and looked my way,

"You have been doing a lot lately. If you want to go out and run your errands today I will stay home and play with the babe until you get home. Then all of us can put together an early dinner and cuddle in front of a movie."

I'm sorry...what?!?! Did you just offer me a day of running around sans the babe...without having to ask you...AND it was your idea?! "Who are you and what have you done with my husband," I asked the man. He just laughed and insisted I go out and enjoy myself - maybe even get my hair did like I'd been wanting to do for the past few weeks.

After the babe was finished making a mess with her breakfast, I passed her over to the man, made myself presentable, and got out the door. Being without the babe - or the man - is not something that happens often and I was determined to enjoy the day. Off to the salong I went and was happy to find that my stylist was available - and open - right that minute...this IS going to be a good day!! I had a few other errands to run...the usually walking around the mall just to "window shop", stop at Target for toothpaste and deodorant (the folks at work started to complain) and a quick pause at CVS for a prescription refill.

I ended up finishing my running around a bit earlier than expected and I was actually eager to get home to see the babe and the man. I pulled into the house, walked up to the front door, turned my key, walked in and couldn't help myself from saying, "Hi honey, I'm home!" I turned to my left and was greeted by a brown haired woman - I've never seen before - feeding the babe a container of solid food. Looking at her I calmly said, "Who are you and why are feeding my baby solid food?!" I wanted to ask her name, why she was in my home and where my husband was - among other questions - but she didn't look too bright and I wanted to avoid any confusion.

My chin hit the floor when the dumb brunette broad looked at me and said, "What do you mean you're baby? This is my boyfriend's child and it is her dinner-time." It was all I could do to keep my cool (as you can probably imagine)!!! At this point all I could muster was, "The babe already had solid food for breakfast and she can only have one container a day." Just as I finished my statement, the man came waltzing down the stairs. He looked at me, then at the brunette, that at the babe and back at me. Wouldn't you know it...the best he could come up with was, "You've got to be effing kidding me!"

I don't know if she thought it was a good idea to speak at this moment, but the dumb broad looked at the man and said, "This woman just came in and said the babe was her child. I thought you said the front door was locked honey." Yeah, ok...time to teach this biotch a lesson...and not just any lesson, but I was about tograbherhairanddragheraroundtheneighborhoodattachedtothebackofmycar...so that is what I did. Before I knew it, her hair was in my grip and out the front door she went - rolling as she fell down the stairs and off the sidewalk. I turned back to the man and said, "What were you thinking feeding the babe two containers of solid food?!?! You know her tummy can only handle one right now!!"

...then I woke up...

The man started laughing when I finished telling him my dream. He looked at the babe as she giggled and cooed and said to her, "See babe...the moral of the story is that you can only have one container of solid food a day." I could have hit him!! Ugh...men!!