Lesson #17 - (Extended) Family Time Brings Out The Crazy In Me

Crazy being a relative term, of course. Lets be honest...we all suffer from SOME sort of crazy - and some more than others. I hate the word "normal" because who am I - or you - to judge what should be considered "normal" behavior?! I digress.

Spending the holidays with my side of the family (meaning my parents and grandma) can. get. interesting!! Actually, I should say that it DOES get interesting. It is always interesting, but something about the holidays just makes it that much more "exciting" shall we say.

When The Man and I first got to my parents' house, we put The Babe to sleep (it was almost 11p) and got to relaxing on the couch. The most fabulous show, Whose Line Is It Anyways, was on and we all watched it - laughing. Then - from the kitchen - came a beeping sound. Not just any beeping sound, but a fatladybackingup sort of beeping. The King Lobster (muh dad) proclaimed that it was the alarm from his old watch. He then made it a point to show us all his new watch:

KL: "What do you think of my new $24 watch?"
Me: "Is it an off brand?"
KL: "No. Its an on brand."
The Man: "Timex?"
KL: "No. An on brand."

That was the first of many hysterics that went on during the evening.

Then The King Lobster made a huge deal because he and The Queen Squirrel (muh momma) recently discovered Skype...I know, I know...they're a little behind the times! So, they set up the camera and dial a friend from Florida. Unfortunately, our friend's Skype was having issues and the video quality was very poor. The people on our end were laughing because the picture coming in was so pixelated:

Them: "Can you see us now?"
Us: "No. Well, yes. The picture is just really pixelated."
Them: "But there is a picture there, right?"
Us: "Yeah. It is just all screwy. What have you been drinking?"
Me: "Or wait. What have we been drinking?"
The Man: "Nothing. Maybe that is the problem. Is there a special decoder vodka we need to drink first?"

That one was enough to make everyone - on both sides of the line - laugh for a bit.

Later on in the day we had another classic family conversation...it is a little long, but its worth the read and it went something like this (please keep ALL children away from the computer screen):

Me: "Look at the picture of "X's" new son. See. This is what you're supposed to do. Take your newborn to get professional pictures done. Where the photographer sets up a little toy truck and you put a sleeping baby on the back for the pictures."
The Man: "You don't need a professional to do that. I have a truck too...and mine is bigger!" (He drives a Hummer)
Me: "Why do men always feel it necessary to use their toys to metaphorically compare penis size?"
QS: "Penis size doesn't matter. It is how a man can use it. Now THAT is what matters."
KL: "I don't need to compare toys to admit I have a small penis."
Me: "Are we seriously talking about this? I didn't mean for it to go in that direction."
The Man: "I have a big knife too."
Me: "Okay. We're done. This conversation is done."

Here is hoping that everyone had a wonderfully joyous and mostly relaxing Thanksgiving Day with their family - dysfunctional or not!!!