Friday, November 27

Lesson #17 - (Extended) Family Time Brings Out The Crazy In Me

Crazy being a relative term, of course. Lets be honest...we all suffer from SOME sort of crazy - and some more than others. I hate the word "normal" because who am I - or you - to judge what should be considered "normal" behavior?! I digress.

Spending the holidays with my side of the family (meaning my parents and grandma) can. get. interesting!! Actually, I should say that it DOES get interesting. It is always interesting, but something about the holidays just makes it that much more "exciting" shall we say.

When The Man and I first got to my parents' house, we put The Babe to sleep (it was almost 11p) and got to relaxing on the couch. The most fabulous show, Whose Line Is It Anyways, was on and we all watched it - laughing. Then - from the kitchen - came a beeping sound. Not just any beeping sound, but a fatladybackingup sort of beeping. The King Lobster (muh dad) proclaimed that it was the alarm from his old watch. He then made it a point to show us all his new watch:

KL: "What do you think of my new $24 watch?"
Me: "Is it an off brand?"
KL: "No. Its an on brand."
The Man: "Timex?"
KL: "No. An on brand."

That was the first of many hysterics that went on during the evening.

Then The King Lobster made a huge deal because he and The Queen Squirrel (muh momma) recently discovered Skype...I know, I know...they're a little behind the times! So, they set up the camera and dial a friend from Florida. Unfortunately, our friend's Skype was having issues and the video quality was very poor. The people on our end were laughing because the picture coming in was so pixelated:

Them: "Can you see us now?"
Us: "No. Well, yes. The picture is just really pixelated."
Them: "But there is a picture there, right?"
Us: "Yeah. It is just all screwy. What have you been drinking?"
Me: "Or wait. What have we been drinking?"
The Man: "Nothing. Maybe that is the problem. Is there a special decoder vodka we need to drink first?"

That one was enough to make everyone - on both sides of the line - laugh for a bit.

Later on in the day we had another classic family is a little long, but its worth the read and it went something like this (please keep ALL children away from the computer screen):

Me: "Look at the picture of "X's" new son. See. This is what you're supposed to do. Take your newborn to get professional pictures done. Where the photographer sets up a little toy truck and you put a sleeping baby on the back for the pictures."
The Man: "You don't need a professional to do that. I have a truck too...and mine is bigger!" (He drives a Hummer)
Me: "Why do men always feel it necessary to use their toys to metaphorically compare penis size?"
QS: "Penis size doesn't matter. It is how a man can use it. Now THAT is what matters."
KL: "I don't need to compare toys to admit I have a small penis."
Me: "Are we seriously talking about this? I didn't mean for it to go in that direction."
The Man: "I have a big knife too."
Me: "Okay. We're done. This conversation is done."

Here is hoping that everyone had a wonderfully joyous and mostly relaxing Thanksgiving Day with their family - dysfunctional or not!!!


Vodka Logic said...

i can finally post. :)

You do have a wacky funny family xx

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

We had plenty of penis and doo doo talk on Thanksgiving. Pretty normal for us to bring it to the potty.

Big Boops said...

This is so funny! I hosted Thanksgiving this year and my little house only has one bathroom and years ago my Mom started a tradition of putting bran in the dressing. Its funny to watch the mad rush to my poor little bathroom. Then we tally up who has/hasn't gone yet and make bets on how long they can hold out. HILARIOUS!

Multiple personalities.. said...

Happy Saturday SITS Sharefest!!

Wow, penis talk at the table? Seriously? That's pretty funny. Yea, families can get extremely interesting when we all get together. Thanks for sharing!

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

Your family-- particularly your father-- sounds sooooooo much like mine!


Kaylen said...

Penis talk over dinner. Classic.

That's what makes families so special. :)

carma said...

My holiday was Interesting (with a capital "I"), too - but, sadly, no penis talk :-(

Welcome to SITS!!! Glad you joined us.

Joy said...

So glad the conversation finished when it did! LOL ;o)

Welcome to the SITS community!

Freddae' said...

New to your blog. Love it!

MaeRae said...

new to you! love it! we talked about farts and handicaps. got to love dysFUNctional family gatherings.

greedygrace said...

I love funny family conversations! Vodka decoder... I'll have to drink some of that the next time I visit my family!

I came by to welcome you to SITS! We're happy to have you with us!

Terin said...

Coming by from SITS. LOL! That brightened up my Sunday! I haven't laughed so much all week.

Amanda said...

I cannot imagine having that conversation with my parents. We once had to explain "Girls Gone Wild" to them when my cousin was going on Spring Break....didn't go over well.

...And I love "Who's Line Is It Anyway" too. It was awesome.

1 Special Family said...

That sounds just like my family gatherings. Only, I always thought that was normal and vodka was a necessity! :) Happy Holidays!

BlogBaby said...

I should have stopped at your adults only disclaimer I suppose....yikes! These poor baby ears of mine!

Sounds like you guys put the FUN in dysFUNctional! ;)


Lisa said...

I can totally relate here... just got home from 5 days at the in-laws house. Love them, but SO glad to be home!!!!

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