Tuesday, June 22

Lesson #107 - Lunch Is Never JUST Lunch

So, I have been unemployed since April 20th...and as much as I hated working with my thankless, fat, lazy excuse for a boss...I sure did enjoy seeing a few of my co-workers on a daily basis. My one FAVORITE co-workers - The Diva - is someone whom I wrote about a few lessons back (here). Her and I got along better than most co-workers do. She and her husband came to my wedding...I have met her daughter...and we were able to just bullshit about anything under the sun.

The day I was fired, I left in a bit of a rush...mostly because I just wanted to get the HELL out of that place! In my haste, I forgot to pack up my wireless keyboard and mouse - which comes with me to each of my jobs...some people have a certain painting they hang - and I take my own keyboard...deal with it!

Moving on...The Diva and I have been trying to plan a lunch outing for quite some time. Part of the reason being I really wanted to get my keyboard back, but the other part being I wanted to be "in the know" on the office gossip now that I don't work there anymore. Not that The Diva ever kept anything from me - except for knowing I was going to be fired the day before I was fired - but now I could really know the dirt. The Diva also wanted to see The Babe, because it had been quite a few months since she'd seen her last.

So last week I packed up The Babe and headed to my old office. We planned it in such a way so that we wouldn't have to run into any of the bosses - we could enjoy ourselves at lunch - and I could get my keyboard back. The Babe and I picked up The Diva and we headed out to lunch...we enjoyed great food, even better conversation and even better company!! It was so great to see her and catch up on the goings-on of her life and the office. From what I understand, there is one other person about to get fired and two more looking to quit in the next few months - which should be FABULOUS!!! I love watching companies fall apart under the rein of horrible leadership!

An hour later we were heading back towards the office to drop off The Diva. I pulled The Babe out of the car so we could go inside to retrieve my keyboard.

Have you ever been caught by your mom doing something you really knew better than to get caught doing?? Yeah...this was one of those moments!!

As we walked in the door...wouldn't you know it...the Queen Bitch herself was right there on the other side of the door. She made nice, of course, and talked to The Babe...I guess it means something that she pretended to care. She went her way and I ran down the stairs to The Diva's office to get my keyboard. I had the prize in my hand and was making my way back up the stairs when suddenly...DUN, DUN, DUN...my (ex) thankless, fat lazy excuse for a boss comes walking towards me. I avoided eye contact and headed for the door. As The Diva and I were saying our goodbyes, he opened the door for me - probably to get to leave that much quicker. I was in mid-sentence when - SLAM - the door was shut and I was cut-off from my parting conversation.

I'm not going to lie...it made me want to scream!! I wasn't there to see him...I wasn't there to beg for my job back...I wasn't even there to burn the place down (though the thought has crossed my mind a time or two)...I just wanted to say hello to a few old co-workers and eat some lunch with one. Is that really so much to ask?!?!

To you - (ex) thankless, fat, lazy excuse for a boss...I am glad that you are still making $90k a year...I am even more glad that the only way you are able to make that much is by kissing the ass of a woman who has no soul...but, honestly, the ONE thing that makes me SO happy is the fact that I know - deep down - that you're gay...even if you haven't come out and said it to anyone yet...even if you don't even know it yourself - know that I know...and it makes me giggle to know that you are the way you are because you haven't (ever) been laid - nor will you (ever) get laid - especially not with your piss poor attitude!! So, you can pour yourself into your job - and by pour yourself into your job, I mean watch your stupid, fat, lazy cat on your web cam all day long and PRETEND to do work - but that will never make you truly happy...even if you're getting paid $90k to do it!! You will always be miserable!!
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