Lesson #70 - Being Single Is A Bitch...Then Again, So Am I

Okay friends...my Blogger totally f-ed me and I didn't even know it!!! My laptop died (I mean, hardcore D-E-D DEAD) , but before it went out I had quite a few posts planned (minus the one where I chose a giveaway winner because, duh, I had to wait until Sunday). However, for some reason the posts never posted :-( **tears** Anyways, here is the long awaited guest post from - THE BITCH!!!!! So, kick up your feet folks - here she goes.......

-I recently found myself turning to a close friend and firmly stating, "The next person to make a comment in regards to my relationship status is going to find my foot up their ass."  Unfortunately, Working Mommy was almost that person.  (Again, Dearest Friend, I apologize.)  But, seriously: Why is it such a big deal that I'm 25 and single?  I have a good job, I'm in school studying Business Law, I have an amazing circle of friends, my family is fantastic, I'm in good shape, my health is fabulous... It is really necessary for me to have a man in order to lead a complete life when I'm not even 30 yet?!  Me thinks not.

-While I am quite happy with my life as it is at the moment, I do often find myself a bit sad when put into a certain situation.  For those of us who have spent extended periods of time living the single life, we all know what that situation is: being the third or fifth wheel.  Ugh.  I just cringed a bit.  Don't get me wrong, I have a couple friends with whom I can have a total blast with when their significant other is around.  Working Mommy has landed an amazing husband who I absolutely adore and I always have fun with the two of them.  [*Correction: Working Mommy's husband has landed an amazing woman.]  However, I also have friends who know exactly how to make me feel uncomfortable when their partner is around.  I know it's bad when I realize that I am physically restraining myself from running toward the door.  No, I don't think your boyfriend is the most amazing man in the world.  No, I don't care about what the two of you did last weekend.  Stop rubbing his back.  Stop holding hands.  Stop caressing his knee.  Stop running your fingers through his hair.  "Please excuse me, I need to make my way to the nearest restroom, as I suddenly feel the urge to vomit."

-On that note, I completely understand how a gal is when she's head-over-heels for the man in her life.  I've been there (believe it or not).  You want to talk about him all the time.  You want to spend every free second of your day with him.  You greatly anticipate the next time you'll hear his voice.  You get giddy at the thought of making plans to go on a vacation.  I totally get it.  However, it IS okay to spend time with your friends... ready for this?... away from you boyfriend.  GASP!  He doesn't have to tag along for everything.  I promise: you won't forget how to breathe when he's not around.

-Now on to the dating dilemma.  Yes: I have tried the whole online-match-me-with-my-perfect-soul-mate thing.  Maybe I'm just impatient, but it was unsuccessful.  After several awkward and/or boring first dates, I became apprehensive and soon stopped replying to messages.  Wait, I take that back... One lucky man made it to date #3.  Then quickly became obsessive/stalkerish.  (Side note to the male followers: When a woman says she doesn't like getting flowers because they're too showy, don't insist on sending a dozen  embarrassing roses to her place of employment.  It's not a good idea and will quickly backfire.  However, arriving to pick her up with a few simple daisies: adorable and sweet.)  Then there are those guys who are friends of friends of someone's second cousin.  Set me up on a blind date with a guy named Maynard? Sure, that sounds like a brilliant idea.  And when the date ends horribly, I'm supposed to apologize for it not working out with so-and-so's coworker's dog sitter?!  Um, no.  Sorry your friend's a loser, but I refuse to feel bad because you have inadequate match-making skills.  (I once went on a date with a die-hard liberal.  For those who know me: REALLY bad idea.)  Then there are the bar-pick-ups.  When we first meet, we have a fantastic time and think it'll be a brilliant idea to exchange numbers.  On the first actual date, we both quickly realize that it isn't going anywhere unless the waiter brings us three rounds of shots.  Pronto!

-At this point, I'm just venting my frustrations.  I know I won't be single for the rest of my life.  I'm just getting impatient.  Damnit!  But let's face it: When your friends have significant others, you hate your single life and feel overwhelmingly lonely.  Then, when you find yourself a year into a relationship, you secretly long for those nights out as a single gal.  The grass is always greener on the other side... And there are very few weeds.