When I was a kid - I LOVED getting mail. It came on my birthday and Christmas - mostly cards, but some had money...and I think that is what started my love for the mail. As I got older, I realized that the mail was actually an evil thing containing bills and marketing pieces that I surely did not want to read (among other things, of course). I still have some sort of love for the mail - especially around Christmas. Now that I'm all growed up the much anticipated Christmas cards now come addressed to Mr. and Mrs. The Man and The Babe...I am no longer lumped into the after-thought of "and family" but I am now on the important side. SWEET! Sure enough, the cards that come always put a smile on my face.
There are a few, though, that just make you go, "are you kidding me?!" One of my family members - *who shall be called "Joan" - is far from an A-type personality. I can imagine that she doesn't socialize very much and only leaves the house to go to work. I look forward to HER envelope the most - if for nothing else than the sheer comedic value. Now, I know that some of you have those family members who send out the 1 page "family update of (insert year)" and give a run-down of every. single. detail (its okay if you are one of them...I guess!). Well my friends...Joan is that relative in my family - but instead of the customary (and easy to read) 1 pager...hers is ALWAYS 4 pages OR MORE! Not only is it long as all heck - but it is written in the 3rd person, which makes it that much funnier. What follows are a few excerpts from this year's 8 page update.
"In February, Joan* took her car, an Oldsmobile 1987, to the Buick body shop for body repair. The serviceman was from Haiti (please note, I have nothing against those of different ethnicity...this is just a reprint of what was written). While he was not rude, he has not yet adopted the American culture. He was not about to please the customer. He gave Joan* a hard time. He started by telling he that he might not be able to find all the necessary parts. Then he said that his servicemen were busy. Then he said that the only serviceman who could work on an Oldsmobile was sick and would be unavailable for three weeks. Then he wanted to know who was going to pay for the repair services. The excuses continued from February to March. Joan* loves her car. She did not give up. The car was finally repaired in March."
"In October, Joan's* number of days of work in the store decreased to one day a week. Many employees experienced the same decline. It was a mystery. There were plenty of shoppers. Was the store cutting down on costs? Were the shoppers buying less or the cheaper clothes? Since the reason was not clear, Joan* did not complain. In the middle of December she found out why. The store had hired too many employees for the Christmas season and the assistant to the manager did not know how to make a fair allocation of work hours."
"On Halloween day, Joan* had to work. She wanted to wear an orange wig and a witch's garb, to amuse the children. However, the manager of the store decided against Halloween costumes."
These are just a few things in this letter that made me laugh out loud...oh how I wish the only thing I had to worry about were whether or not I could wear a witch outfit to work...alas, things are a little more complicated that that around here!!
So, your turn to spill...who is that ONE family member that just takes the cake when it comes to holiday cards (or holiday gatherings)?!?!