This post was inspired by a recent post by another blogger. I always wondered if I was alone in the world, but after reading her stuff I realized that I have found a kindred spirit! If you haven't already read her posts, RUN - DO NOT WALK to Speaking From The Crib IMMEDIATELY. It is some of the BEST wet-your-pants material you will read. EVER!
I don't know about you...but I have a big mouth...not to be confused with a loud mouth...which I also have, on occasion. No, those people not only spew whatever comes into their minds like they suffer from diarrhea of the mouth, but they also do it in such a manner so that EVERYONE in EVERY corner of the Super Wal-mart can hear EACH. LAST. FREAKING. WORD. But I digress.
I suffer from diarrhea of the mouth and, much to the man's dismay (and that of numerous friends who have been the unfortunate companion during one of my bouts), I tend to spew at the WORST times. There is a bit of thought that goes into the situation before I spew - despite what those around me may think. Take, for example, a past trip to the mall. Now, I have definitely made my fair share of trips to the mall...this one, however, seems to stick out in my mind the most.
It was a crummy day outside and I wanted to walk. Keep in mind that this was pre-motherhood, so my thoughts towards those with offspring wasn't what they are currently - now that I are one. Also remind yourself that this was a time when the Sept. 11th attacks weren't just a vague notion, but still fresh in peoples' minds. Anyways, I wanted to walk and walk I did. In and out of stores I went, down one side of the mall and back up the other side. I was there to walk laps, albeit casually, not to shop - for once.
As I made my way around the second floor and proceeded to the first floor, I noticed a large pack (think = wolves) of toddlers and teens walking my way. The children seemed to be making their way towards me at a rapid rate of speed as I got off of the escalator. I felt like an elderly woman in the grocery store parking lot having to dive away from an on-coming car because I wasn't crossing the cross-walk fast enough nor did I bother to give a quick "thanks" to the driver who paused momentarily and is now cursing me. Little did I notice the mothers (that is right kids, there were MANY of them) of said children pushed strollers behind them in hot pursuit. While I wouldn't usually comment on such a situation, I felt it necessary to do so this particular time because I was almost the unfortunate victim of a woman who had lost her shopping-cart-pushing-rights and decided to have a kid so she would have lifetime stroller-pushing-rights.
Note: Ladies, if you have issues pushing a damn shopping cart AND you plan on having kids sometime in the future - take some DAMN lessons!! A shopping cart is quite similar to a stroller. The. End.
As the mothers raced past me, I mumbled, "Jesus, what do you think that thing is - a f@%king airplane?" Oh...did I forget to mention that said mothers and children were not of the Caucasian, African American or Hispanic ethnicity?? Well, no, they weren't...which might have been why the reference to a plane came so easily in my bout of mouth diarrhea.
I didn't say it LOUD but apparently I said it loud ENOUGH. YIKES! I can't be certain, but I am sure that day I ended with more jihads sent my way than when I woke up. It was a scary experience...I really thought I would get jumped. Though, it wasn't scary enough for me to learn my lesson and keep my mouth shut from that point on...because...lets be serious...how much fun would that REALLY be?!?!