Wednesday, August 17

{Pour Your Heart Out - Dear Egg Donor}

Are you linking up with Shell??? You should!!

Dear Egg Donor,

I must have written this letter to you at least a dozen times. I wasn't even sure I should send you anything since I didn't know if you ever wanted to hear from me again. It has been quite a few years since we spoke on the phone, so I thought it was best for me to let you know what has been going on. I didn't come to this decision lightly and asked advice from my best friend, my Mother. You see, she is the woman who helped me through the rough times...and she is the one who made all my boo-boos better...and somehow she had the strength to advise me on how to go about contacting you again. That is the reason she holds the distinct honor of Mother.

When we spoke, I was a freshman in college. Always wanting to push forward, I ended up graduating in 3 years instead of 4 - or more like some students. Not only was I a full-time student, but I was also working full time. I didn't have to do it, but it built character and gave me my strong work ethic - something I can also credit to my Father.

Right before graduation, I purchased a townhouse to call my own - not too far from my college campus. I knew all of my working would pay off eventually! I wanted to stay in the area for work and renting would have cost much more a month. I still own it and even though it has become more of a burden than anything, it is still mine. Right now it is being rented by 3 young ladies who go to my alma mater...thankfully they are taking good care of the place!

During college I joined a sorority and realized my love for event planning. I met a woman who has turned out to be a wonderful friend and mentor. She is a small business owner and inspired me to do my own thing...which lead me to start my own event planning business. For the past 10 years I have been fortunate enough to do what I love and get paid to do it.

On January 31, 2009 I married the love of my life and my best friend. He is a wonderful husband - I am very blessed. Being a wedding planner gave us the ability to hire professionals who I had worked with before - and who had become personal friends to mine. It was definitely a day that I will never forget.

Later that year we welcomed our beautiful princess into the world! At 6lbs 10oz, she was such a little peanut - and still is, even days after turning 2 years old. She is extremely active and keeps me on my feet! {Lulu} loves being outside riding her bike or coloring with chalk on the sidewalk. When she was younger we took a "mommy and me" swim class...and boy does she love the water! Whether it is a bath or in the lake, she gets equally as excited. Now that she is older, she is getting into different activities. We just finished an 8-week session of gymnastics classes. Hopefully next year she'll be old enough to start cheerleading. She has the attitude to follow in my footsteps (I cheered all through school for 10+ years and then professionally for 3 years)!

This past December our family welcomed another addition - our handsome prince. His face looks just like mine as a baby - reddish hair and all! He is the opposite of his "little" big sister. {Bubba} was born at 8lbs 9oz - almost 2lbs heavier! We are certain he will take after his daddy and be a football player! I'm sure once he gets a little older, he can take a "daddy and me" class like his sister did with me. Him and his sister get along so well - it bring a tear to my eye and a smile on my face to watch them interact with each other. Days away from 8 months old, his Baptism will be this Sunday and he is growing more each day. Already cruising from couch to table and climbing up the stairs, he doesn't cease to amaze me!

Right now I am working for the CEO of a small business a few days a week. He is an amazing boss and we get along very well. It is nice to be able to work part-time so I can still spend plenty of time with the kids. {Lulu} can count to 10 now - forward and backward - and {Bubba} is babbling away trying to keep up with his sister.

So you see, a lot has happened in the years since we've spoken. It was hard not to call you back again, but the road goes both ways. You can't just pick up the phone and expect to call yourself "mom" - that isn't how this works. You said a lot of things - some of them were very hurtful. I'm sorry that you and your sister lost your mother, but making me feel guilty for not finding you before she passed won't bring her back. Also, just for future reference, telling me that your sister and your mother had gotten mad with you for giving me up isn't going to make me feel sorry for your situation.

In a way, I'm glad we are on opposite coasts. It makes it much more difficult for you to find me...and I like it that way. I've come a long way from where I used to be, emotionally, to where I am now. There were a lot of high points and an equal number of low points. I have made it through life - thus far - with only minor bruises along the way. My heart is still in tact and my spirit is a strong part of my hard-headed will to move on.

Don't apologize for giving me up...your words will fall on deaf ears.
Don't give praise for the highs in my life...praise is reserved for the friends and family who love me.
Don't feel sorry for the lows in my life...those feelings have no merit to me.

I didn't write this for you...I wrote this for me. I wanted to be able to tell you...that life does go on. What happened all those years ago means nothing to me now. I still think about you every now and again, but I have my own life and that is where we stand. If it makes you feel better to call yourself "mom" or "mother" that is up to you. I know what it takes to earn that title. I have seen others, in the news - in my neighborhood - in the paper - on the Internet, who hold the title, but have nothing to show for the "work" they claim they've done. I can promise that you have not earned the title - not with me, not in my will only ever be egg donor to me.


Moved On


Anonymous said...

Very powerful words, WM. Hugs.

angela said...

This is so very powerful.

Thank you for sharing; I am glad you have found peace with it and know you have a mother who loves you and taught you how to be a mother to your own little ones :)

Anti-Supermom said...

Being a past surrogate, I know that these relationships are more than just complicated, but I'm so proud of you for finding peace.

That's what should be.

From Tracie said...

It sounds like you have a wonderful mom and a wonderful life...and you don't need other people's drama to make you more complete. Good for you for setting boundaries in place.

(Florida) Girl said...

Wow. Your honesty here just blows me away. This is one of those posts that will stay with me.

Mom4Real said...

Good for you! Way to make the best of your life for yourself! Just found your blog, and I totally love the premise!

Jessica K

Shell said...

I'm glad that you are able to move on and be happy with the life you have had. I bet writing this out felt good.

Kristen said...

Awesome post. Perfectly spoken and truly "pouring your heart out" ... Glad I stumbled upon your blog. I can't wait to read more.
Kristen @

Big D and Me said...

Wow. Really well written post. You must have grown up with a wonderful support system to have turned into such a brave and strong person.

Frazzled Mama said...

Hi!!! I'm stopping by and following from Thursday Cafe Blog Hop. I hope you'll check out my blog Frazzled Mama at http://frazzled-mama.oom and follow me back.

Hope you have a great day.

Christine Siracusa said...

Wow, that's intense. It strikes me that you're so fulfilled by your current life that you don't need to dive into the drama of your younger life. It seems like a good place to be. I'm happy for you.

Blondee said...

New here...oh my, what courage and bravery. Gorgeous babies, too.

Feel free to stop by my 'place', I will be back to visit again. :)

Helene said...

Wow, this is a beautifully written PYHO post. You've definitely come full circle....good for you!!!!

Rach @ This Italian Family said...

Aww so precious!

The Blonde Duck said...

Popped in from SITS! Wow, this was poweful! I think it's wonderful you built such a wonderful life and family for yourself!

Free eBooks Daily said...

I am a new follower and I would love if you came and followed me back at Free eBooks Daily

Jessica {Team Rasler} said...

At first I wondered if this was hard to write. And it may have been, but your words were so confident and strong and proud of who you are and what you've accomplished, that I then wondered if it was more just tying off a loose end. Not sure. Either way, I'm impressed with your words and who you clearly are behind them. Great PYHO post!

P.S. My second guy has red hair, too!

Nicole Mariana said...

I love your blog! Please follow me back at:

XoXo Nicole Mariana

Anonymous said...

This post hit home for me while the situation involved drug abuse for my bio mum. I still don't feel ready to let go of that pain. You post made me realize that one day I can be. Thank you

Bec said...

New follower here! Hope you can follow me back :)

Anonymous said...

This is easily the most beautiful and empowering thing I've read in a REALLY long time!

You are an AMAZING woman...and no doubt it's because of the amazing woman who raised you...Your Mom!


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