**Please note - the license plate numbers have NOT been changed to protect the guilty...I'm calling people out today!**
Dear Mr. Black BMW Z4 Driver (license plate JMT 8608),
I understand that you have places to see and people to do, but it is not my fault that you chose to drive in the right lane. You see, the right lane is for those individuals - like your mother - who consistently drive 30 miles under the speed limit, pump their brakes whenever possible and cross 6 lanes of highway traffic to get off at the left-handed exit.
Why, then, should I be punished for your inability to chose the correct lane?!?!I know that your rear-view mirrors are quite small...but they still work, I promise!! Next time, when you're about to change lanes - LOOK IN THEM DAMN IT!!!! Thankfully I was able to hit my brakes right before you took off some of the paint on the front passenger side of my car - and before I took off the entire driver side of your car.
I would have thought that someone in a car that small would realize that a little more caution needs to be taken when around much larger cars...apparently, I was wrong. I do ask that, next time, you getyourobamastickerliberalassoutofmygodforsakenway!!! Next time, I'll be driving the man's Hummer...and I can definitely promise no mercy!!
Pissed Off SUV Driver Who Could Crrrrrush (roll the R's) Your Ass
Dear Mr. Big Brown UPS Truck Driver (license plate 19 MG63),
Like you, I also have places to go and people to do. It surprises me that, despite this fact, you are still driving the way you. I know, I know - that "How is my driving?" sticker on the back of your big brown truck is a way for people like me to call you out - to your superiors - but why do that when I blog?!?!
I can now tell all of my WONDERFUL followers - and anyone else who is
Even with no one in front of you, for as far as the eye can see, you still feel it necessary to hit the brakes every 5 seconds. Did I happen to mention that you were also driving in the left lane?? If you had to turn left, then okay - I would have understood...but even after I turned left, you continued driving. Just a word of advice, you can actually make deliveries quicker if you only make right turns - which would warrant you staying in the right lane. Honestly...FedEx drivers do it for the holidays to reduce the need to make left turns and cut through traffic. Take a tip from FedEx!!
Driver Behind You Who Now Has Whiplash
Dear Mr Hybrid Public Transit Driver (license plate 155 781L),
I do respect the fact that the local government has decided to transition all of the old gas-hog buses to more, environmentally-friendly hybrid buses. For once, there is a driver behind the wheel who can actually maneuver such a large vehicle through rush hour traffic without hitting anyone. Kudos to you, sir! Please make sure to thank your boss for making my carbon footprint seem smaller - since yours is not as big anymore.
Mrs. Whose Mr. Drives A Gas Guzzling, Road Hogging, Big Yellow Mess Of A Hummer