So...being that today marks exactly seven more sleeps until Christmas morning - I thought I would do my own version of WTF Friday - Holiday Edition. I hope you all enjoy it!!
Note: I am not an overly religious person...but I was taken to Mass from the time I was born until I was old enough to say no and stay home by myself. I was also enrolled in a private Catholic school from Kindergarten through my senior year of high school (you can laugh...its okay...I will wait...and yes, you can think that...about 99% of it is true. Done?! Good!).
I have always loved holiday music. I can remember when I was a little kid and my dad would pull out his (very) old record player and throw on some tunes while we all put the Christmas tree up and baked cookies. My most favorite song HAD to have been "Do You Hear What I Hear" and I'm pretty sure that particular record is still alive and kicking - somewhere - despite my obsession...I digress. I wanted to take a moment to analyze the song (in italics) - trust me...this is good stuff!
This song was penned in October 1962 by Noel Regney and Gloria Shayne Baker as a plea for peace during the Cuban Missile Crisis (I don't know about YOU, but whenever I see or hear of think about missiles...this video comes to mind...moving on!). The lyrics are awe inspiring and the music is catchy...but within are LIES - ALL LIES!!
Said the night wind to the little lamb, (First and foremost...the wind doesn't talk. I don't know about you, but the last time an object - or being - talked to me was when I was drunk. So, I think it is safe to assume that this lamb is either drunk or on some sort of illegal substance.)
"Do you see what I see? Way up in the sky, little lamb, Do you see what I see? (Of course the lamb can see in the sky...I mean, it might be in black and white - like dogs - but the lamb can still see)
A star, a star, dancing in the night (Since we are going to assume that the lamb is drunk - we'll give the benefit of the doubt on any illegal substances - then OF COURSE the star was dancing!! That poor lamb probably couldn't tell his left from his right...its a crying shame!)
With a tail as big as a kite, With a tail as big as a kite." (This is the North star we're talking about...not an entire constellation...just one star. A star appears as a shining orb in the night sky...I forgot what they look like thanks to all the city lights - but I digress again...tails are only present on SHOOTING stars - also known as meteorites - or poo falling from one of the Apollo space shuttles)
Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy, (I felt sorry for the lamb...he got into some rancid water and got a little drunk...but now, NOW, he is trying to get a little boy on board?? You have got to be kidding me!! See kids, this is how drinking can lead to a life of crime and drug dealing...peer pressure is BAD!)
"Do you hear what I hear? Ringing through the sky, shepherd boy, Do you hear what I hear? (Now the lamb is hearing voices in his head...I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt...but then he goes and ADMITS to hearing the voices. Not only that, but he is pushing his drugged/schizophrenic ideas on a boy. It just isn't right!)
A song, a song high above the trees (According to the Bible...you know, that book collection dust on a shelf in your study - I know you have one somewhere...an Angel - not a song from the sky - came down to shepherds (the grown men kind) in a field and announced the Savior had been born. The shepherds then decided to travel to Bethlehem to see the child.)
With a voice as big as the the sea, With a voice as big as the the sea." (A song can't have a voice...but rather, a voice does sing a song. None of this matters, though, because the Angel who came down SPOKE to the shepherds...it did not SING to them. I can only imagine - actually no I can't - how big an Angel's voice is...booming - seeing as it is in the sky and has a point to get across.)
Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king, (When has it ever been wise for a drunken/drugged young child to visit a person of power...I'll wait for you to think about it...that is right - NEVER! It never leads to anything good. Not to mention the fact that it wasn't a boy who spoke to Herod - the king of Judea - but rather wise men (astronomers) who had seen the newly formed North Star.)
"Do you know what I know? In your palace warm, mighty king, Do you know what I know? (So, not only is this little boy supposedly speaking to a king, but also insulting him...really, really?!?! Again, NEVER a good idea to insult a person in power...especially since that person could very well end your life at will...AT WILL PEOPLE!)
A Child, a Child shivers in the cold (Of course the Child is shivering...it is DECEMBER and he was just born in a stable! Why was He born in a stable, you ask...well, it is because there was a mandated census taking place in Bethlehem at the time and all of the hotels had sold out of room nights. It makes me sick, really, to think that a census would take place and the leader knew full well that there wasn't enough space to accommodate everyone.)
Let us bring him silver and gold, Let us bring him silver and gold." (The wise men mentioned above DID indeed take gifts to the Child. Silver, though, was not one of those gifts...they actually took Gold, Frankincence and Myrrh. Don't ask me what those last 2 are...I just report what I read. If they are of any relation to that AWFUL smelling stuff wafting around at Midnight Mass, then it probably wasn't such a great idea to take that to a baby...it could cause early development of allergies. I wonder how the wise men felt when they arrived?? I'd feel like a slightly loser since it took 2 years to even reach Christ...yes folks, these men were following a STAR for TWO YEARS!!! Maybe that is why men don't want to stop for directions?!?!)
Said the king to the people everywhere, (Oh yes...king Herod sure did make a big deal about the birth of the Savior. He secretly met with the wise men and asked them to report back to him once they had found Christ's location - so that he could go and worship as well. The wise men knew something was afoot and ended up keeping their mouths SHUT - good for them!)
"Listen to what I say! Pray for peace, people, everywhere, Listen to what I say! (Everyone was listening - that is for sure - but you weren't telling them to pray for peace...you were asking for information on the Child's location...why?? You were secretly plotting to KILL him - that is why!! What kind of person are you?! I mean, I know we have phrases like, "like taking candy from a baby," but we don't ACTUALLY take the candy!! Babies can't defend themselves - let alone stop you from killing one of them...it is just sickening to even suggest such an atrocity!)
The Child, the Child sleeping in the night (Yes, children do sleep during the night...usually...however, there are those few who wake at all hours of the night to cry, eat and roll themselves over without knowing it. I know...my child is one of them!)
He will bring us goodness and light, He will bring us goodness and light." (Sorry Herod, but goodness and light certainly weren't high on YOUR Christmas list. Know how I know that?? Because - when you didn't hear back from the wise men who had ventured out to visit Christ - it was YOU who ORDERED the killing of all male children under the age of 2 in EVERY household in the land! Talk about insecure...Herod, sir, you might have been the ruler of a kingdom - but you couldn't have ACTUALLY thought you'd be the Savior of all mankind...could you?!?!?!)
So, you see folks, music lies!!