Thursday, December 10

Lesson #25 - Take The Time To Make As Ass Of Yourself...In Public

If you know me, you know that there aren't many things that embarrass me. While some might say that I blush easily, I really don't...in fact, I am proud of my ability with quick comebacks and witty remarks. Honestly, I do believe that I have my father to thank for this ability since he was the one - through my childhood - who was always trying to make me laugh/blush/cry/pee myself.

Call me a glutton for punishment, but the man has the same sense of humor. It has gotten to the point where I have to ignore the times when he really does embarrass me just to make him think that I am okay with it...in the hopes that it won't happen again. Alas, it doesn't always work...though, there are times when the situations are just down-right hilarious!

One night the man got home after work and we decided to go to the grocery store (keep in mind that I was very much pregnant at this point). Usually things are pretty quiet at 11pm, but this night was oddly busy. I am a huge fan of going up and down every aisle - because you never know what you're going to find that you might not need. The man, on the other hand, likes to get in and get out as quickly as possible - because, well, he is a man. When we shop together, I usually win and we get to take a tour of the store aisles.

So, there we are in the store...me barely able to push the cart - waddling walking right along - and the man busy looking at the newest flavored coffee available. I stopped in front of a row of cereal that was on sale and picked up a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Don't ask me why, but this was one of the few cravings I had...not CTC itself, but cereal in general...YUMMY! I digress.

I pick up this box and look at the man, "Can I get another box of CTC? I know I haven't finished the last one yet, but it is on sale." Without missing a beat he looks right back at me - and in his VERY loud "outside voice" he says, "Why don't you ask the baby's daddy to buy your damn cereal?!" I looked at him with an angry look...and then I decided to play along.

"Maybe if you gave me what I wanted in bed I wouldn't have had to cheat on you," I screamed. We both kinda of giggled and the man shot back with, "Fine, but did you have to chose the best man! He is my best friend damn it!" "Well, I guess he isn't anymore - now is he," I questioned. By this point there were people coming form other parts of the store to the aisle we were in to see what was going on. We got to the cashier and the entire staff just stared at us - not wanting to say anything that might make one of us go off again. I really think those in the store that night were happy to see us go...but boy did we have fun!

11 comments:

Shandal said...

LOL, I'm not sure if I'd be able to play along if my hubs said that first line about the baby's daddy. I'd be laughing too hard!
P.S. CTC will always be my fav cereal!

Vodka Logic said...

Funny, my oldest, when she was little and still riding in the grocery carriage would say "hi daddy" to any random man. I would reassure them she did know who her daddy was.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Way to keep em on their toes in the grocery store!

Joshua said...

We had friends whose code phrase for "Let's get out of here, go home, and get it on" was "We have to go to the grocery store." Naturally, this is where my mind went when you said you were at the store. Quite fitting when you consider that the "grocery store" is a fitting parallel to the sex lives of many a couple. The man wants to go in, get the job done, and leave right away. The woman wants to go slowly, take time, peruse, etc. Wow. That's a sad metaphor. And unfortunately for me, I'm the one who wants to take time to enjoy.

-Joshua

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

LOL! Now, if my hubby said that, he would mean it cuz he isn't the baby's daddy!!

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

good for you. this kind of thing is the bestest ever.

Big Boops said...

So funny! My hubs wanders off at the store then goes up and down the aisles yelling "SUUZZIIEEE, Suzie where ARE you???" (suzie is my nickname) and he knows how frickin embarrased I get. He is yelling all over the store and other moms are looking at me alarmed that I'm with this psycho. But I can't help laughing. Oh men . . .

MaeRae said...

that is so funny...my honey usually just gets on the back of the cart and rides it up and down the isle and calls me mommy to embarass me.

MaeRae said...

that is so funny...my honey usually just gets on the back of the cart and rides it up and down the isle and calls me mommy to embarass me.

kys said...

LMAO! My BFF and I do stuff like this all the time. If Hubs is with us, he pretends like he doesn't know who we are.

ModernMom said...

Woo hoo...you gave those bored staff something to chat about for weeks! :)

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